I Like You Best, I Like You Only
by litvirg
Summary: Merlin and Arthur have been friends since they were six years old and wiping woodchips from each other's bums. Twelve years later they are still planning to go to London for uni together. What will happen to their relationship when things start to change a month before they are supposed to leave?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my first fic so please R&R. I'd love feedback on what you liked and what you think needs work, and what you'd like to see later in the story! The Merlin fandom has such a great understanding of the characters we all love so much, I'd definitely love input from the readers :)**

**I do not own anything. Characters belong to BBC's Merlin. **

**CHAPTER ONE**

He was a specky little guy with knobbly knees and feet much too big for his legs. His ears stuck out at a ridiculous angle and he was constantly tripping over _everything_. But he was Arthur's best friend. (Arthur's only _real_ friend, if it got down to that; not that Arthur would ever admit it.)

He was constantly falling over on the playground. Getting too excited and running too quickly for his enormous feet to keep up with, Merlin found himself sprawled amongst the woodchips every couple of minutes. Luckily for him, he always had Arthur right behind him, to help him up and brush off all the woodchips from his back.

"You are lucky I'm here Merlin," he had said. "Or else you'd get a splinter in your bum as soon as you sat down."

"I can—wipe—my own—bum—thanks," Merlin answered, swiping away Arthur's hands and swatting the woodchips off himself, before storming away from Arthur.

"Aw, Merlin! Come back!" Arthur called after him, but Merlin just sat on the tire swing by himself, not looking back at his friend calling after him.

Arthur spent the rest of recess with some of the other in his class. They played tag and went on the slides and swung on the swings. It was really a miserable time. None of them cheated in tag like Merlin did, they all went down the slide one at a time instead of trying to squish two people together like he always did with Merlin, and they didn't see the fun in competing to see who could swing higher or jump farther off the swing.

Arthur was _not_ going to go through another Merlin-less recess.

He sat down next to Merlin on the bus ride home, as he always did.

"I don't mind wiping the woodchips off your butt, you know," he told Merlin.

"Shut up, Arthur."

"Well recess was terrible after you stormed off, so I just wanted to tell you!"

"You were with your other friends the whole time!"

Arthur grinned. "Yeah, well, I like you best, Merlin."

Merlin looked like he was trying not to smile, but he couldn't really help himself. "I like you best too, Arthur."

Arthur just chuckled at this. "What do you mean _best _Merlin? I'm your only friend. Who else would put up with you?"

Merlin had begun shoving Arthur, trying to push him off the seat. But as Merlin was much smaller than Arthur, this mostly ended up in Arthur retaliating and squishing him against the window and tickling him.

"Fine! Arthur you win. I like you _only_."

Twelve Years later:

"Wake up! Merlin, for Christ's sake it's almost noon on a Sunday! How are you still asleep?"

Merlin groaned into his pillow and then curled further into his covers, trying to ignore the giant mass that had just stood on top of his mattress. Arthur stood with his legs straddling either side of Merlin's sleeping body, jumping from one foot to the other.

"It's a _Sunday _Arthur. A _day of rest. _So here I am! Resting! And there you are! Disturbing my rest!"

Arthur plopped down onto the edge of the bed. "Come _on,_ Merls! The day is young! The birds are singing! The waffles are fresh! The Uther Pendragon Guilt Allowance is renewed!" He tugged a bit on one of Merlin's ears.

Merlin opened one eye. "Fresh waffles?"

Arthur took this as Merlin's submission and pulled the covers all the way back. "Come _on,_ Merlin. The waffles will only be fresh for so long!" And then he bounced off the bed, leaving the covers on the other side of Merlin's room so that Merlin would have to get up in order to retrieve them, and bounded down the stairs to eat waffles with Hunith.

This was fairly typical of Arthur. Their whole lives he walked around Merlin's house as if he belonged there. He practically lived there; he was at Merlin's house almost more than his own. It offered a safe haven for when his family starts acting a little too…_Pendragon_.

And Hunith _loved _Arthur. Even when they were just kids, Arthur managed to charm everybody around him. (Except Merlin. Merlin was the first person to not treat him like a little prince, and weirdly enough that made him Arthur's favorite person). Hunith had even given him a key.

"What happens if you lose yours Merlin? This way, I know you have a backup plan!" Hunith had said.

Merlin knew this was just a convenient excuse. Merlin never lost anything important. Hunith thought of Arthur as another son, and Arthur, whose mother had died when he was a baby, treated Hunith as a sort of surrogate mother. She loved having him act as though he were a real part of their family.

After Merlin was dressed, he walked (as slow as possible without falling back asleep while standing up) downstairs breathing in the scent of waffles. At least Arthur wasn't lying about the waffles (he'd done that before, too).

"Morning Mum," Merlin said snatching the plate of chocolate chip waffles out of Arthur's hands, giving his mum a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Excuse me, Merlin. I believe that plate was mine," Arthur said holding his hand out expectantly. Merlin licked the waffles in response. "Ugh, we could at least have shared them. Now we have to wait for another whole batch to cook!"

"I don't share waffles," Merlin said with an entire waffle folded up inside his mouth. "And only _you _have to wait. I have nothing urgent to do."

"Well, _Merlin_, if you must know, I was going to take you to Paper Leaves today and let you help me blow my father's guilt money."

Merlin spit out the waffle (his third) that he had in his mouth. "Really? But it's the most expensive book shop in town."

This was another thing about Arthur. He was always spending his money on Merlin. Granted he had much more money to spend than Merlin did, and Arthur's father was always giving him money in place of actually being present in his life. But Merlin could never return the favor, and he always felt guilty for the sheer amount spent on him.

"Yeah, but it's got the first editions of all of your favorites. Now feel a bit guilty for taking all the waffles?"

"A little." Merlin ducked his head sheepishly. "Though," he said grinning wickedly, "you did wake me up early—"

"It's _noon_, Merlin,"

"—On a Sunday, and there was no guarantee you left any waffle batter for me. You've cheated me out of waffles before. I just wasn't willing to take the risk. I'll give you my last one though."

"Gross, I'd rather not have your tongue waffles, thanks."

"I didn't lick this one. Just smooshed my face up against it a bit."

Arthur shoved Merlin's face into his waffles once more. "Shut up and eat your waffles."

What Merlin didn't know, was that Arthur _loved_ watching him shop for books. He stroked each cover as if something precious that he'd never be given the opportunity to see again. Sometimes he would stand holding one book and looking off blankly in front of him, as if imagining exactly what his life would be like inside the pages. He ran his fingers along the printed pages, smiling at each new page. Arthur was so enthralled with watching him that he didn't even notice three hours had gone by until Merlin had looked at his watch and starting blushing, quickly trying to decide which book he wanted.

"Take your time, Merlin. Really, we've no place to be," Arthur insisted. "And you can get more than one, just leave enough Uther money to treat us to lunch as well."

After Paper Leaves, Merlin and Arthur sat down on a park bench with the burgers they had just ordered, Merlin's stack of books between them.

"Thanks for the books and the food, mate." Merlin said, his mouth full (as usual).

"Of course. It's tradition to blow father's guilt money with you."

"You don't have to, you know."

"Don't have to what?"

"Blow Uther's money on books for me."

"I don't mind, Merlin. I like you best."

"Obviously," Merlin said grinning. Arthur pushed him off the bench.

"Fine, you great bully. I like you only."

Arthur beamed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thanks to those of you who reviewed, favorited, followed, etc. :) Hope you like this part as well, and of course, I still welcome any comments or suggestions!**

**Oh, also I am American so any flubs in accuracy for life, schooling, etc. in the UK is just due to that. If you notice any mistakes please let me know and I'll try to fix them!**

**As always, I own nothing. Characters belong to BBC's Merlin. **

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO:**

When it wasn't just the two of them, it was the four of them. Arthur, Merlin, Morgana, and Freya. They used to be five, but Will moved away the year before, doing exactly what they all wanted- to get out of Ealdor.

They spent most of their time in Freya's garage. They furnished it, and turned it into the perfect hideout from Ealdor life. No neighbors coming over with pies wanting to gossip about the new postman. No small minded people. No shitty music or banning of books.

"Anybody heard from Will recently?" Freya asked, laying her head in Merlin's lap as she stretched out across the couch.

"Not for about a month, no," Merlin answered. "He seemed happy though. Well as happy as Will gets."

"So, bitching at anyone who looks at him then?" Morgana laughed. "What are his plans for the fall?"

"I think he's going to America, actually," Freya said.

"You're joking! What is he going to do in America?" Morgana asked, astounded.

"Find a whole new country full of people he hasn't complained to yet," Merlin snorted.

Then it got quiet like it always did whenever they mention the upcoming school year. Merlin had known Arthur and Morgana since they were all five. Arthur and Morgana lived only a block down from him, and met him on the bus as kids. Freya moved to Ealdor a bit later. They were about 12 when she moved next door to Merlin. Morgana was instantly attracted to her "exotic past" outside of Ealdor, and she fit in perfectly. Will had been Freya's boyfriend, until they realized that they were much less awkward as friends.

Now they were going to be leaving the garage.

"Well I can't wait for it," Morgana declared.

"Wait for what?" Arthur asked as he strolled in, flicking Merlin's hair as he walked past, and plopped himself down on the chair across from Merlin, who stiffened at the question and began playing with Freya's hair.

"For autumn. Being out of Ealdor. Freedom. Maturity. Experiencing life," Morgana said.

"Yeah, easy enough for you to say. You're going to be off seeing the world. I'm going to be stuck here without you all." Freya pouted.

"Oh, sweetie, you can come visit me in Paris anytime," Morgana cooed.

"Yeah, and Merlin and I will only be in London. That's not too far, we'll be able to come see you loads."

Merlin's hands jerked in Freya's hair. "OW! Merlin- what the hell? I actually want my hair to stay on my head," Freya yelled.

"Sorry," he mumbled, taking his hands out of her hair and twisting his bracelet around his wrist with fervor.

"What's with you Merls? You've been jumpy since I got here," Arthur whined.

"Sorry…too much coffee today, I think." Merlin said, as he nearly ripped his bracelet in two.

"Well, I think that since we have only two short months left, we should spend as little time as possible in this lovely garage. Starting right now."

* * *

Morgana really meant it when she said "as little time as possible." Three weeks had passed, with almost no time at all holed up in their little safe haven. Arthur joined a football league, with Merlin, Freya, and Morgana cheering loudly (mostly Merlin) on the sidelines. Morgana requested their help on some are project or another every few days, and Freya was performing her music more and more.

Merlin felt like he was just along for the ride.

One night, they found themselves back in the garage after a failed attempt at pub hopping (Ealdor had only two pubs, and they didn't want to just keep hopping back and forth). Morgana had pushed the two armchairs together and draped herself across them while Freya laid her feet on top of Arthur's lap while she took over most of the couch, and he draped his knees over Merlin's shoulders, who had created a mattress of pillows and blankets on the floor in front of the sofa.

It was Merlin's favorite night in the last three weeks.

Freya was sputtering, as she always was when she was drunk. She was shaking the whole couch with her fits of giggles.

"Freya, for Christ's sake, I'll push you off this couch and you'll have to lie on the floor with Merlin!" Arthur yelled.

"Oi, don't send her down here! I just got this the way I want it!"

"Boys, boys. I wonder when you'll stop all this nonsense and admit you just want to cuddle," Morgana said.

"Shove off, Morgana," Arthur grumbled. Then they were all silent for a moment.

It was Merlin who broke the silence in the end. "I think…" he began. "I think we need one more night of crazy, lets-make-the-most-of-it and whatnot and then, we go back to being our normal selves. That's what I'm actually going to miss, not this check list we seem to be doing." There was a murmur of agreement from anyone in the room.

"Though really, Merlin, you won't miss it as much as Freya and I will. At least you'll have Arthur."

Merlin didn't answer.

* * *

The next night was their last "crazy" night, leaving exactly one month before they all moved on. First they went to a pub, where they sat around a table in the middle of the room, surrounded by Ealdor's local pub frequenters, each nursing an ale.

Then they ran into an old friend (acquaintance would be more accurate since the only other person they were actually friends with was Will), who told them about a party happening down at his cousin's house on the lake and that they were welcome to join.

Morgana, of course, was insistent.

"What else are we going to do? Drink ourselves into a stupor with these old geezers?" She gestured to the slightly older population of the pub they had begun frequenting.

"Why do that when we can drink ourselves into a stupor with a bunch of mindless teenagers we don't know!" Arthur retorted.

"Exactly," Morgana said, ignoring the sarcasm. And since Morgana said it, that was that.

"Under one condition," Merlin said as they were walking up the driveway. "Morgana, you are in charge of Freya this time—"

"Hey!" Freya interjected.

"We always say we'll pair off and watch out for the other person, but I always get stuck watching after all of you. _Stick with your bloody pair_. I'm with just Arthur this time."

Morgana smirked at that. "Of course. Just you and Arthur."

The party, as it turned out, was a bust. Too many awkward younger kids had heard about it and crashed, the stereo system broke, and people were either far too drunk or uncomfortably sober to fall easily into conversation, so they all wound up standing around in awkward silence until people started trickling out.

Morgana, feeling responsible for the horrid state of affairs she had dragged her friends to, decided to steel beers for all of them, and they made their way to the beach by themselves. A few drinks in, Merlin was buzzing.

"Arthur! Remember the woodchip-bum day?"

"Of course you idiot. You were even stupider back then if it's possible."

"I can't believe none of those other kids went down the slide more than one at a time. You could easily fit about four five year olds in that slide. It's huge."

"I bet we could still fit the two of us in there," Arthur said.

And that was how they would up back at the old playground.

"I think…we have to warm up, before we get in the slide. You know, swing, and fall down in the woodchips and have you wipe them off my bum and whatnot." Merlin grinned.

Arthur climbed onto the nearest swing so that he was standing rather than sitting on it. "I will never be too old for swings," he said. "They are the best invention of all time. I want one in my flat in London."

Merlin jumped off the swing and landed in the woodchips. Not long after, Arthur leapt off his swing (much more gracefully, the bastard) and held out a hand for Merlin.

"Come on now, up you get," he said as he reached around to wipe the woodchips off of Merlin's bum. He kept holding Merlin's hand as his other swiped over the worn material of Merlin's jeans, his ring catching a bit on Merlin's back pocket.

"Umm…" Merlin said. "I think we should go in the slide now."

Arthur grinned wickedly.

They were able to fit both of them in the slide, just like they had when they were 5, but now with a lot less room to move about. Their chests were pressed together, and their legs were in awkward jumble. Merlin's arms were by both of their sides, while Arthur's had no room anywhere but down and around the sides of Merlin's head.

They were a bit stuck at the top of the slide, but with some awkward shifting and wriggling, they were able to slowly squeak their way down to the bottom. They laid there, at the flattened out end of the slide, laughing and not moving from their positions against one another.

"So…maybe not as fun as when we were small," Merlin laughed.

"No," Arthur said. "_Maybe_ not."

Merlin's breath caught in his chest at the way Arthur said that.

"Arthur, there's something I have to tell you."

Arthur's eyes widened, his eyebrows perked up, and (if Merlin wasn't mistaken) a blush began to creep its way up Arthur's neck.

"Yes, Merlin?" he croaked, leaning a bit closer.

"I—I'm—" Merlin shut his eyes and shook his head to gather himself. "I'm not going to London next month."

Arthur tried to jerk away from Merlin, but he wound up slamming into the top of the slide. It took a bit more wriggling (decidedly more aggressive wriggling) before Arthur managed to work his way out of the slide.

"Merlin, what the fuck?"

"I decided against London. I'm going to Edinburgh, I got accepted into a really great English program there. I've been trying to figure out a way to tell you, but I just didn't know, I mean I couldn't-"

"So you though this was the best way? Wait until a month before we all leave, wait until I'm drunk and think that we're going to—until I'm drunk and we're _here_, and then just drop it on me? When the fuck did you even decide this?"

"A few months ago."

"A few _months?_ Merlin, we've been talking about London for the past few months! What the fuck happened?"

"We haven't been talking about London, Arthur, you have."

"You can't exactly blame me for that, when you didn't even tell me that you had even considered other places. How the hell was I supposed to know? Jesus, Merlin, I'm your best mate!"

"I'm sorry, I wan ted to tell you, but I couldn't figure out how. I didn't want to upset you."

"Yeah, well, bloody great job you did of that."

"Arthur—"

"Congrats on the English program," he whispered, ducking his head and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Have fun in Edinburgh, Merlin."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thanks to those of you who are following and keep checking in on the story! Here's chapter three-hope you like it! Hopefully I'll be able to post more soon.**

**As always, I own nothing. Characters belong to BBC's Merlin. **

**CHAPTER THREE**

The last month had gone by at an excruciatingly slow pace for Merlin. Arthur wouldn't speak to him. He didn't even look at him. When they ran into each other around town, Arthur would just look past him, or turn around and walk in the other direction. His phone calls went unanswered, he wouldn't come to his door, and he was soon considered MIA to everyone in the group.

In that last month, four became three.

"He barely talks to me now too," Morgana said. "He talks to _Uther_ more than me. Imagine living in a house with both Uther and a quiet Arthur. It's unbearable."

It was the day before Merlin was leaving for Edinburgh, and the three of them were spending it in Freya's garage; in an attempt to continue the tradition of holing themselves away the day before a new school year.

Merlin groaned and barricaded himself further into blankets. Freya began rubbing his arm soothingly.

"He'll come around Merlin," she said. "He's just hurting right now."

This was the opposite of what Merlin wanted to hear. He wanted Arthur to be mad at him. Because if Arthur was mad, he would yell at Merlin. He would tell him that he was an idiot and a bloody fool for thinking he could do whatever he liked without telling anybody about it. That he was a wanker; that Arthur was his best mate and that you tell your best mates these things, you don't just keep them to yourselves.

He wanted Arthur to be furious and to yell at him. But this moping, miserable, _sad_ Arthur? That was something he could not deal with.

"I don't want him to be hurting though," he whined. "That's the problem isn't it? I waited so long because I didn't want to hurt him, and that just fucked it all up, because now he's hurting even more."

Morgana smiled sadly. "Well, sweetie, you didn't exactly pick the best moment to drop that news on him."

"I just wanted to be honest with him. I couldn't take lying to him anymore."

"But you do see how maybe that moment wasn't the right one? He was already feeling vulnerable and you completely threw him for a loop," Morgana said softly, stroking down his hair that was sitting up.

"I didn't mean to," Merlin said quietly.

"We know you didn't Merlin, of course we know that," Freya said. "And I'm sure Arthur knows that too. But he can't really see things from your perspective right now. That was the opposite of how he wanted that night to go, and he doesn't really know what to think about everything."

That made Merlin sit up a little straighter. "Have you talked to him?" Arthur hadn't said one word to Merlin since that night, and he only spoke to Morgana when completely necessary. Merlin hadn't even considered the possibility that he and Freya were still speaking regularly.

"I did run into him down on Main Street. He didn't say anything directly, but he didn't try to avoid me. Trying to be polite I suppose, despite what he's feeling, as always."

Merlin sank lower into the cushions and his blankets. "So he didn't say any of that. You're just guessing."

"Merlin, he may not have said any of it, but Freya and I know Arthur. Better than anyone in the world, apart from you. We don't have to hear him say that to know that it's what's going through his head," Morgana told him. "Come on, sweetie. Have some pie. Freya made it and it's positively sinful."

"I wish I could, but Mum's got a big dinner planned for tonight. She'll kill me if I'm too full to eat anything. I'll see you tomorrow before I head off though, right?" Merlin said hopefully, as he stood up to leave.

"Of course. Want us to come round to yours at about noon?" Morgana asked.

"Yeah that'll be great," he answered, hoping Morgana caught his _please-see-if-Arthur-will-come-too_ glance, but knew that it was probably unlikely.

"Here, Merlin," Freya said handing him the pie. "Take this for you and Hunith. It might be the last one of my pies you get the chance to eat for a while!"

"Thanks Freya," he said, giving her a hug. "I'll see you both tomorrow."

* * *

Hunith was worried. Anybody could tell, just by looking at the sheer amount of food she had prepared for just her and Merlin. It was every single one of Merlin's favorite foods, and was enough to feed their entire neighborhood.

"Jesus, Mum, you know it's just the two of us for dinner right?" He said as he tried to find room for his plate on the table.

"I'm surprised you didn't invite your friends for dinner tonight, Merlin," Hunith said. "What are Morgana and Freya doing tonight?" She hesitated. "Or Arthur?"

Merlin set down his fork, and looked down at his plate. Then, after a few moments he reached his hand over and placed it on top of his mothers. "Nah, Mum. Tonight is just for us."

Hunith smiled softly, then piled more potatoes on Merlin's plate.

* * *

Merlin's bed looked strange. The sheets weren't strewn about it for the first time in his entire life. There was no pile of clothes squished down at the edge, no pillows thrown all over it. No Arthur perched on the end. It was bare, completely stripped, the sheets and pillows packed away, along with almost everything else in his room. He looked at how strange his bed seemed when it was so empty one more time, before picking up the last box and carrying it out to the car.

Morgana and Freya were waiting by the car with Hunith, chatting happily when Merlin came out. Hunith took the box from his hands, just as his friends squished him into a hug.

"I've still not forgiven you for leaving me here on my own," Freya said, trying to frown at him.

"Oi! Morgana's leaving too, why aren't you mad at her?" Merlin protested.

"She's got a week until she flies out. I've time to change her mind yet."

"Not a chance dear," Morgana said smiling. Then, after pulling Merlin into another hug, she looked at him softly. "I'm sorry. I really thought he would come with me. He's being a right prat this morning though, so you might actually consider yourself lucky not to be subjected to that."

Merlin gave a small smile in response, but knew it wasn't convincing. Morgana knew that he would rather have Arthur here, being a twat, than at home, missing his goodbye after not seeing him for a month.

"Freya please come visit me anytime. I've got a flat just outside campus. I haven't talked to my flat mate much since deciding to rent the place, but he seems like a pretty cool guy. And bring me pies," Merlin smiled.

"Merlin, I will be sure to keep you updated on my sure-to-be fabulous and glamorous life in Paris, but you have to promise to visit at least once before Christmas," Morgana said.

"I'll talk to you when classes start and I'll see what I can do," Merlin said, knowing full well that he would make time to visit her, if only for a weekend. "I need you to do me a favor though. Will you give this to Arthur?" He held out a folded slip of paper. "It's the address of my new flat. I texted it to him this morning, but I don't think he's been reading my messages."

"Of course, I'll make sure he gets it, honey." Morgana pulled him into another hug. "Well, get out of here Emrys. You've got new places to see."

"Alright, Pendragon. I'll see you soon." He gave her one more, quick hug. "You too Freya." Another hug. "Love you guys."

* * *

_"I can't believe you aren't coming! This is childish, Arthur. You should see how much he's hurting right now. Would it kill you to come say goodbye to the best friend you've ever had before he moves away?" Morgana said, standing over him, as he sat cross legged on his bed, staring at his phone._

Yes_, he thought. _Yes, it actually might kill me.

_Morgana gave him one more exasperated look, then sighed and slammed her way out of his room. _

_He continued sitting there looking at his phone, one unread message from Merlin._

_He grit his teeth and opened it._

_"Hi Arthur. I just wanted to be sure you had my new address. I know this month has been…well it's sucked and we still haven't talked but here it is. Just in case. Good luck in London. Merlin."_

Arthur had been staring at his phone for an hour, by the time Morgana finally got back.

"Well, that was terrible. You should have been there, Arthur. He's your best friend."

"Is he still? We haven't talked in a month. And he'd been lying to me for months before that. Is that what best friends do?"

Morgana sighed. "Of course that's what best friends do. They fuck up when they try not to hurt each other. That's exactly what best friends do." She threw a slip of paper down on his bed. "He asked me to make sure you had this."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: Here's the next chapter! Hope you like it. It's not as Merthur-centric as the rest, or quite as long, but you're going to get a bit of a look into Merlin's life in Edinburgh. And of course, all the Merthur feels will make a big appearance very soon! Please R&R :)**

* * *

**CHAPTER FOUR**

"Hey, Mum, it's Merlin. Nothing new on my end, just calling to check in. I've got class in about an hour, so if you're going to call me back after that, then wait until tonight, yeah? Love you. Hope you're doing okay."

* * *

"Hi, Freya, it's Merlin. Guess what? My flat mate is really relaxed about guests coming over and staying for a bit. We talked it all out and anytime you want to come up is fine. Call me back so we can work out a time, okay? Talk to you later."

* * *

"Hey Morgana. How's France treating you? I bet you're off treating yourself to some ridiculously expensive wine right now. How's the new flat mate? Give me a call whenever you get this. For you, I won't even worry about that whopping one hour time difference. Just call me, alright?"

* * *

"Hey, Will, its Merlin, how've you been? How's America? I've been in Edinburgh a few weeks now and it's nice. I like it. Maybe you can come visit me sometime. You know, get back on the continent, see my new flat, harass me about how obnoxious we city folk all are. Give me a call. Hope you're good."

* * *

"Hey again, Freya. I know we keep missing each other but YES. Next week is a great time for you to come and stay with me. Please come. I have some classes but there's plenty to do around here, so you won't be too bored. Anyway we can figure all that out when we get a chance to chat. But yes. Yes, yes, yes. Call me."

* * *

Merlin had started to realize that he spent a lot of his time leaving messages for his friends. It's not that he didn't like Edinburgh, because he did. The city was wonderful, and the school was great. He was thrilled about the English program he was in. And he really liked his flat mate, Gwaine.

He just felt like he was missing something a bit.

He'd really only made two friends, which wasn't all that much less than what he had back home, especially since they clicked right away, and became closer far sooner that he ever had with anyone other than Arthur.

The first was his flat mate Gwaine. Gwaine was a great guy. A ridiculous flirt (and with absolutely everyone. He called himself "equal opportunity"), but a genuine guy. He was studying theater, and made Merlin run lines with him whenever Merlin hadn't barricaded himself in his room. And even sometimes when he had. Gwaine took it upon himself to be the "study break" enforcer, dragging Merlin away from his computer every so often to have a beer with him, and as much as Merlin grumbled about it, he did really appreciate it. He felt bad about it at first, making Gwaine feel like he needed to look after Merlin like that, but Gwaine seemed to _like_ to, and Merlin really enjoyed relaxing with Gwaine.

Gwen was his other good friend. She was studying poetry, and was taking some of the same classes as Merlin. Truly the sweetest person he had ever met. Every Monday they'd grab tea and sandwiches after their class together, then head back to Merlin's to get some work done before Gwaine got home. Gwen was the sensible to Gwaine's ridiculous. Merlin couldn't imagine anybody not loving Gwen when they met her. Along with a sharp sense of humor, Gwen was the biggest people person Merlin had ever seen. She loved seeing the good in everyone. When Merlin had introduced her to Gwaine for the first time and he not so subtly hinted that he was marvelous in bed, Gwen was amused instead of repulsed, and began swapping horrible pick-up lines with him for a laugh. With Merlin as the happy medium between them, the three balanced one another out.

They weren't able to make him forget how achingly he missed his friends from home. (Particularly one.) So when Merlin's phone rang and he saw the caller ID flashing Freya's name, he pounced on his phone, nearly knocking his laptop to the ground.

"Freya! Finally, we get to speak to one another. How are you? What's going on?"

He heard Freya giggle on the other end. "I'm good Merlin, and you sound good too so I'm relieved. You've been calling us all like crazy, we're a bit worried. Does that offer to come stay with you this week still stand?"

"Of course!" Merlin shouted. "You'll be able to meet Gwaine, that's my flat mate, he's great, and Gwen, another good friend of mine. Oh, they'll love you! Actually, wait, no. Don't come up, they might like you better than me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Merlin. That's not possible. Could you pick me up from the train station around five tomorrow?"

Merlin smiled. "Absolutely. See you then."

He was about to hang up when he heard Freya start to speak again. "Hang on, Merlin one more thing. I've only spoken to Morgana and Will and Hunith, so I know you've been in touch with all of us. But have you talked to Arthur yet?"

Merlin wish he had hung up before when he had the chance. "No. No I haven't."

* * *

Merlin sat cross legged on the edge of his bed, staring at his phone. He had picked it up and put it down, and picked it up and begun to dial no less than seventeen times before he decided he was being absolutely absurd and that he had best just grit his teeth and do it.

He held his breath and he hastily dialed the number, and then, closing his eyes, pressed the 'Send' button, and squashed the phone to his ear as he let out his breath.

It rang once and then:

_"Hello, you've reached Arthur Pendragon's mobile. I'm sure there's a fantastic reason for me missing your call, so please leave me a message and I'll ring you later. Thanks! Laters."_

One ring. That meant that Arthur had picked up his phone, saw who was calling, and decided to ignore the call.

Merlin threw his phone off his bed and squished himself into the covers to take a nap until Gwaine came home and opened the beers.

* * *

"Arthur, its Morgana. I've had enough of your childish behavior. Yes, he screwed up. But you, dear brother, screwing up right now. You need each other. For once, set your pride aside. Call Merlin. You're being stupid."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: Here's the next chapter, as promised! Hopefully I'll get chapter six up tomorrow.**

**As usual please R&R.**

**Character's belong to BBC's Merlin**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Gwaine sat atop the counter as Merlin stretched fresh sheets over the sofa bed, tossing an apple to himself.

"So, this…Freya, is it? What's she like?"

"Stay away from her, Gwaine," Merlin warned.

"What? I can't extend some friendly hospitality to the lovely young lady staying in our flat?" He flashed his teeth with a wink.

"You look like a predator when you do that. Though, that is fairly true to life."

"Oh that hurts, Merlin. I'm just looking to make a new friend here!"

Merlin nearly buckled over laughing at that. "I know exactly what you're looking for Gwaine, and it's not friendship. You fool no one."

Gwaine just bit into his apple and stuck his tongue out at Merlin.

* * *

An hour later, Merlin was at the station, flowers in hand, looking for Freya amongst the passengers spilling out of the compartments. He finally spotted her, tiny and bobbing up between other heads trying to find a glimpse of Merlin along the side. He began waving the flowers about yelling her name.

"Merlin!" Freya yelled, smooshing him (and the already abused flowers) in a hug.

"Freya, it's so good to see you! I can't believe it's only been a month. At least two years have passed since I left Ealdor."

"Since you left me, you mean," she said, crossing her arms and putting on her best angry-pout.

"Aw, Freya, won't you forgive me?" He said, kneeling down, with his head by her feet and the wilting flowers up by her face.

"Yes, yes, now get up," she said snatching the flowers from him. "Let's go meet that flat mate of yours shall we?" She linked arms with him and rolled her suitcase behind them.

* * *

Gwaine was burning dinner when they walked in. They walked into a smoky apartment, with every window open, fire alarm blaring, and the fan spinning almost off the ceiling.

"Gwaine-!" Merlin coughed. "What the bloody hell happened! I've not even been gone an hour!"

"Yes—I realize this looks rather terrible. But! Let's keep in mind that I had the best of intentions when I was doing all of this," Gwaine held his hands up.

"And what exactly would those intentions be?"

"I was trying to make a special dinner for your friend!"

"Oh it's special alright," Freya burst out laughing.

The three of them managed to silence the alarm and get the kitchen de-smoked, as well as throw away whatever it was Gwaine had charred in the oven. Then, Gwaine walked over to the fridge and took out three beers.

"Well," he said. "Back to the old stand-by it is, my friends."

* * *

Freya and Gwaine got on brilliantly. He had only tried one over the top flirty line, and had turned into just a normal mate when she laughed at it.

To Merlin's horror, Freya was almost as pervy as Gwaine, trait he thought better suited to Morgana. The two of them spent the entire night either turning everything Merlin said into a ridiculous innuendo, or talking about plays and shows as they were both performers.

And after that, it was as if they were old friends.

* * *

Arthur had new friends. He did. A whole group in fact. He had his flat mate Elyan who he got on well with, and Lance, and Leon. He had a whole group of friends.

That was a bit of the problem though. Arthur only ever saw them in a group. They always called everyone to see if they wanted to meet down at the pub, or head over to the park to play a bit of football, or gather in somebody's flat to study or have a few beers and watch a movie. Nobody ever called just one person. And that was weird for Arthur.

Whenever Arthur had had something spur of the moment he wanted to do, he'd just call Merlin. Or head over to Merlin's house to drag Merlin out of bed. Of course, he loved when Morgana and Freya were with them (though, he'd never tell Morgana that he genuinely loved being around her) there was never any pressure to make it an "always" type of thing. They could split up and hang out in smaller groups without it being a big deal.

So why was it such a big deal here?

On the night that Arthur got his check from Uther, he decided he was going to make it not a big deal and recruit one of his new friends to help him waste it at a pub. It was the second check that would not be spent on Merlin's overgrown book collection, and that thought really just made Arthur crave a beer like nothing else.

He dialed Lance's number.

"Hey, Arthur. What's up?"

"How does the pub sound to you?"

"Fantastic. Meet there in about an hour?"

"Sounds perfect. See you then."

* * *

It felt like the anniversary of a break up. Why did it feel like that? It's not as if Arthur and Merlin were even dating, though if Arthur was honest with himself then maybe he'd see that…

No. He and Merlin were friends. _Best mates_, Merlin always said. Though that probably wasn't what he thought of them anymore. It's been two months. He'd never gone even two days without talking to Merlin. Two months seemed….

"Insurmountable," Arthur mumbled.

"Come again?" Lance asked.

"Insurmountable. Two months without speaking is insurmountable right? Moving on without speaking…I mean you just can't really get past that. Too much water under that bridge."

"Mate, two months is not even a blip in the grand scheme. That water could barely fill a shot glass, let alone require a bridge."

"It's not a blip in the grand scheme of _Merlin._ Nothing's a blip."

"Christ, Arthur, I've never seen you like this. Why haven't you said anything before? We could've helped you through the break up, mate."

Arthur sighed. Was it a break up? Did he and Merlin break up? They stopped talking. And calling and texting. And getting lunch, and buying books, and going to each other's houses uninvited. They moved to different cities. That pretty much was a break up wasn't it?

"We didn't even really break up. We just _weren't_ anymore."

Lance looked over. "How long were you together before that?"

_Twelve years_, Arthur thought. "We weren't. I mean I thought…that night, maybe, something... But he was just telling me he wasn't coming to London with me anymore." Arthur finished off his beer.

"I think you should call him."

Arthur thought about that.

"I think I should have another beer," he said instead.

* * *

Freya's week with Merlin went by too quick. She had fit into Merlin's life in Edinburgh so naturally. She loved Gwaine and Gwen, and they absolutely adored her in return. They had made her promise to come up again soon, and with Gwen's offer of the spare room in her flat, Freya had assured them she would.

All too soon, Merlin stood back at the station, Freya's suitcase in hand, as they found a bench to wait for her train.

"You have no idea how much I want to stay here, with you, and never go back to Ealdor. It's terrible without you and Morgana and Arthur."

Merlin stiffened at Arthur's name. "Maybe you could move up here. Take just a couple classes so you don't have to pay to be a full time student. You're not sure what you want yet, it could help."

"Yeah," Freya said sadly. "Maybe."

They sat on the bench holding hands silently for a few minutes, before Freya started speaking again.

"I still haven't heard from him. Have you?"

"No."

"Merlin, maybe if you tried, if you called he might—"

"No." Merlin stood up. "No he wouldn't. I tried remember? For a month back home I tried. I called him and I texted him. I showed up at his house. I sent him emails. And nothing. Not a damn thing. He has my phone number. He has my address. If he wants to, he can say something. He clearly doesn't want to. It's been two months, Freya. He just doesn't want to."

"He's just hurt Merlin."

"Yeah, well he's not the only one!" Merlin bellowed.

The train pulled into the station.

"I'm sorry," Freya said. "I shouldn't have brought it up. Just please, don't give up yet, Merlin. You two need each other."

Merlin pulled her into a hug. "Call me when you get back, yeah? I want to make sure you're not taken." He winked and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.


	6. Chapter 6

Two more weeks went by. Freya had begun leaving more and more days between calls, and Morgana was too busy being glamorous in Paris to have much time to chat.

Arthur still hadn't called. Merlin picked up his phone nearly a dozen times a day, Arthur's number typed out; but the thought of only hearing Arthur's voice from his voicemail stopped him each time before hitting send.

Gwaine must have picked up on how Merlin spent more time looking at his phone than actually talking on it, because he and Gwen kept dragging him away from the flat, telling him it'd be good to take a break, and "get his mind off things." He even tried to take Merlin to a book store, hoping that would cheer him up more than a trip to the pub, but, much to Gwaine's dismay, it only seemed to sour Merlin's already foul mood.

Then one day Gwen burst into the apartment and told Merlin and Gwaine to "Start packing! We are taking a weekend holiday!"

Merlin glanced up from his computer briefly. "A holiday?" He asked.

"Yes! It's my brother's birthday this weekend, and he invited me to come up and stay for a night or two. I mentioned how Merlin has barely left the flat in weeks without us dragging him, and he invited you two along as well. We may have to kip on the floor, but at least it will be a change of scenery!"

"Sounds magnificent! Birthdays are marvelous excuse for drinking," Gwaine grinned.

"When are we leaving?" Merlin asked, spinning his chair around to face Gwen.

"As soon as you're done packing. It's going to take nearly eight hours to get to London."

"London?" Merlin paled.

"Yes, yes. London. Now go pack!"

_Don't be ridiculous Merlin_, he thought. _London's a huge city._ _You probably won't even see him._

Merlin never wanted to ride in a car with Gwaine for seven hours ever again. Gwaine sang every song on the radio. And the ones he didn't know the words to, he just made up. As soon as they parked the car, Merlin toppled out of the door and ran to the building.

Gwen came up behind him, and had Elyan buzz them in. With a sympathetic look towards Merlin, she handed him his duffle bag, told him "You go on up. Its number 7. Gwaine and I can get the rest of the stuff."

So Merlin, giddy at being free from Gwaine's singing, bounded up the stairs and knocked on the door. His duffle bag fell with a thud when it opened.

Merlin. Merlin was at his door. With a duffle bag. _What the hell?_ Arthur thought

"Um. Hi. Um. This is number seven right? I didn't knock on the wrong door?" Merlin asked.

"Of course this is number seven," Arthur said pointing at the number on the door. _Who else would Merlin be visiting in London?_

"Oh. Right. Well, okay then. I guess you're Elyan's flat mate then. Is he here?"

"What?"

Then two pairs of footsteps came clunking up the stairs, and rounded the corner. One of them was a girl Arthur recognized from a picture in Elyan's room. His sister. The other was a raggedy but handsome man, with long brown hair and the stubble of a beard on his chin.

"Making new friends already there, are we Merlin?" The man said, slinging one arm around Merlin's shoulders.

_Oh_, Arthur thought.

Merlin's face burned bright red. "Um. This is Arthur. Arthur, this is Gwaine," He said, tactfully sliding out from under Gwaine's arm as he bent down to pick up his bag. "My flat mate."

"Hello Gwaine," Arthur said, without extending his hand. He picked up one of the bags at Gwen's feet. "And you must be Gwen. Elyan's sister, right?"

Gwen beamed. "Yes, hi! It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Elyan speaks very highly of you. Though I have to say, your face is very familiar to me, I just can't place how."

Merlin ducked his head as his ears turned bright red.

"As lovely as this little meet and greet is, could we perhaps move it out of the hallway?" Gwaine interjected.

"Yes, right of course." Arthur moved out of the doorway to usher them in. Merlin came in last.

"So…," he said. "This is where you live."

Arthur just nodded.

"It's really nice."

Arthur said nothing and Merlin shifted his gaze to his feet.

"Arthur!" Leon yelled, clapping him on the back. Lance followed behind, and came to stand next to Arthur. "Who are your new friends here?"

"Well," Arthur began. "This is Gwen, Elyan's sister, and her friends Gwaine and Merlin."

Lance coughed into his beer, eyes wide. "Ugh. Went down the wrong way," he explained, eyes wide and flicking between Merlin and Arthur.

"Right. Well, I've got to pop out for a moment," Arthur said. "Feel free to make yourselves at home. Elyan is just showering, he should be out any minute. Lance, Leon? Help make them comfortable, yeah?" He grabbed his phone, slipped it into his coat pocket and ducked out the door.

Down on the front steps to the building, Arthur sat, head in his hands, staring down at his phone by his feet. A few minutes passed before he picked it up and dialed.

"Hello dear brother, whatever is the matter now?" Morgana answered.

"How do you know something is the matter?"

"Oh, please Arthur. You never call unless something is wrong."

"Merlin's here."

"I fail to see the problem, Arthur. This is great news, and long overdue. Did you actually call me about something good for once?"

Arthur sighed. "He didn't come to London to see me, Morgana. He clearly didn't expect to see me."

"Where did you see him?"

"The hallway outside my flat. And then inside my flat. And now from the steps to my building through the window of my flat."

Morgana exhaled. "Really, Arthur. 'Didn't expect to see you.' He came to your flat. Why are you reacting like this? This is what you wanted!"

Arthur groaned, frustrated. "Morgana you're not listening to me. _He didn't come here to see me!_ He didn't know it was my flat. He's not here for me."

"Oh. I see. And you thought he was?"

"Well when he showed up at the door to the flat we were supposed to live in together with a duffle bag, yeah, I thought maybe he had come here for me."

That's what the worst part was. This should have been his flat with Merlin, not his flat with Elyan. The cupboards would have been less organized and there would have been books stuffed into every crevice of the sofa and stacked in corners, and there would be post it notes covering the fridge and the bathroom mirror, but Merlin would have been there.

And now he was there, but he didn't mean to be. So Arthur was just imagining the rubble and chaos that would be in the flat, if Merlin lived there, while Merlin stood there feeling out of place when he should have felt at home.

"Why did he show up at your flat, if not to see you?"

"It's my flat mate's birthday."

"So Merlin decided to drive nearly eight hours to celebrate the birthday of a man he's never met, who just happens to live in your flat."

"Merlin is friends with his sister, so the two of them and Merlin's flat mate drove down here to celebrate this weekend."

"Ooh, what's his flat mate like? Merlin hasn't been particularly descriptive on the phone."

"Terrible. Rude. Unshaven." Arthur remembered his arm around Merlin as if _he_ had known him for twelve years.

"Jealousy doesn't become you, Arthur. And trust me, Merlin isn't interested in him. Gwaine is a ridiculous flirt, if something was going to happen it would have happened already. Why don't you ask Merlin to talk privately, so you can finally work this all out?"

Arthur didn't even know how to begin that conversation with Merlin. _Hi, Merls. I know the thought of living with me freaked you out so much that you lied to me for months, but you're my best mate and I really miss you, and Gwaine is a scruffy git who you should ditch so you can come here and live with me. Even though you clearly want nothing to do with anything in London, including me. _

"I really just can't do that Morgana. It'll be way too uncomfortable. For both of us. Merlin is here for Elyan's party, and then he is just going to go back to Edinburgh. He didn't tell me he was coming to London, so he probably didn't want to see me at all—"

"Or he didn't tell you because you ignored his existence for a month before he moved away, and he was afraid to reach out and be crushed again," Morgana interjected.

"Morgana. Please. Stop. I'm actually trying to tell you how I feel for once."

"You should tell Merlin how you feel. He wants you to Arthur, he asks about you all the time."

"I can't," he whispered.

Morgana didn't say anything.

"The night that he told me he wasn't moving to London, I thought he was going to say that—well I thought he was going tell me something else. It was the perfect moment to. But instead he decided to tell me that he was leaving me."

Morgana sighed. "Oh, honey. Don't you see that he thought he was doing the right thing? If he was going to tell you _something else_, then he didn't want to be lying to you about his plans when he did."

"Well there's no point now. He lives eight hours away from me."

Merlin stood with Lance next to the window.

"So," Lance began. "You go to school in Edinburgh?"

"Yeah," Merlin said, pulling his gaze away from the window.

"And what are you studying?"

"English, hopefully. I mean I am studying it, but hopefully I'll continue. It's getting hard thinking about what I'm going to do with it once I'm out of school."

"I know what you mean. Gender Studies isn't exactly bursting with career opportunities. Sometimes I envy Arthur for that. A business degree could take him pretty much anywhere."

"I don't see him leaving London though. He'd been talking about coming here the entire time we were growing up," Merlin frowned.

Lance gave him a curious look. "It must have been hard for you, moving so far from home."

"It definitely wasn't an easy decision. A lot of the time I'm still not sure I made the right choice."

"Well," Lance said clapping him on the shoulder. "That's the great thing about being human. You get to change your mind when you need to."

Merlin hummed in agreement, mostly absent from what Lance was saying now. He watched Arthur sitting on the steps, with his head in his hands. _I shouldn't have come_, Merlin thought. _He doesn't want to see me. He can't even be in a room with me. _

He scooted back over to the door, dropping his duffle next to it, resolving to leave after the party. He couldn't stay for the whole weekend and watch how much Arthur couldn't stand to be around him anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Everybody, except for Arthur, Elyan, Gwaine, Gwen and Merlin, had left Arthur's flat. Arthur and Gwen teamed up to banish Elyan to the couch to watch telly while the rest of them cleaned up the kitchen and any other garbage that had been strewn about throughout the course of the party.

When the washing up was through, Merlin cleared his throat and shuffled awkwardly. 'Well," he said. "I think I'm going to be off, then. This was lovely, thank you Gwen for bringing me, and Elyan for letting me crash your birthday party."

"What?" Everybody said at once.

"Merlin," Gwen said sternly. "You can't be serious. It's nearly one in the morning. A train ride will take you even longer than driving. Is there even a train running right now? What on earth would you leave for?"

Arthur looked down guiltily at this. _Me_, he thought.

"I just feel as if I'm imposing a bit. There's not really room for five people to stay in the flat, and I wasn't technically even invited."

"For Christ's sake Merlin, I invited you," Gwen said annoyed. "This is ridiculous." She picked up his bag and started walking towards the back of the flat. "You're not leaving. Elyan which room is yours?" She said already wandering into one of the two bedrooms.

"Other one," Elyan shouted from the couch.

"Oh my god!" They all heard Gwen yell, after a thud, which was presumably Merlin's bag hitting the ground.

"Arthur, I've worked it out!" She yelled.

"Worked what out?" Merlin and Arthur said at the same time, both wandering back into his bedroom. Merlin began to lean over to pick up his bag, before he saw what Gwen was pointing to.

On top of a small bookshelf right next to Arthur's bag was a picture of the two of them. It was right after graduation. They stood side by side, Arthur's arm draped around Merlin's neck, his other pretending to give Merlin a noogie. Their smiles spread ridiculously far across their faces, the kind of smile Merlin had forgotten he was capable of.

Arthur was turning bright red, reaching for the picture from Gwen who had just snagged it from the book shelves.

"That's just—er—," he stumbled.

"Merlin has the same one on his dresser! I don't know how I didn't put that together instantly, I mean, I see it often enough!"

Merlin and Arthur turned towards each other, each with shock in their eyes.

"Merlin," Elyan called from the couch, interrupting what could have become _a moment_. "I'd offer to kip on the floor to let you have my bed, but it is my birthday, so you're just going to have to fight Arthur for his."

"Or you could share," Merlin was sure he heard Gwen mumble with a wink thrown in his direction. Merlin face burned even more and he tripped over his duffle and fell over before he promptly sprinted to the bathroom.

* * *

They did not wind up sharing. Gwen and Gwaine became determined to prove that they could fit all three of them on the sofa bed, so Merlin found himself squashed between Gwen and the armrest.

He was absolutely not sleeping the night like this. After Elyan had gone to bed (Arthur had stayed in his room since Gwen found the picture, and had presumably gone to bed as well), Merlin squeezed himself out, trying not to wake either one of his friends. He grabbed his pillow and took a blanket from the arm chair and laid down on the ground.

He had finally begun to drift off when something large and heavy and swearing fell on top of him, squashing his face.

"What the fuck?" he heard the thing say.

"Mmmmph!" He wriggled his face out from under it and gasped for air. "Get off of me!"

"Merlin?"

"Arthur?"

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"I was sleeping! What are you doing?"

Arthur pushed himself off of Merlin, but stayed on the ground next to him. "I was going to get some water. Why are you right in front of the kitchen doorway?"

"I was on the sofa bed with those two," he gestured towards Gwen and Gwaine still sound asleep. "But it was a bit crowded, so I opted for the floor."

"Didn't want to snuggle up to Gwaine?" Arthur said. It was meant to come out as a joke, but he could tell it sounded far too bitter.

"Uh, no thanks. Our separate bedrooms back home is already closer than I want to be to Gwaine's sleeping- or not sleeping- habits."

Arthur was absolutley Not Relieved at this. He was Not At All elated that his ex-best mate wasn't dating his new flat mate.

"Well, come on then," Arthur said, scooping the pillow out from under Merlin's head.

"Ow!" Merlin complained when his head made a soft thud against the floor. "Where are you taking that?"

"You can share my bed tonight, so that no one else gets injured on the way to the kitchen."

"Oh, please. You're not injured." Arthur had to smile at this. It was almost like how he and Merlin used to be.

"I'm serious though, Arthur," Merlin continued. "You don't have to share your bed. I can sleep on the floor."

Arthur tossed the pillow onto one side of his bed and climbed in the other. "It's not a big deal, Merlin. It's a big bed. It's not like we've never shared a mattress before." Arthur bit his lip, regretting that a bit. Now he was just thinking of all the times they had, and how it used to be so normal. Now it was awkward and forced, and Merlin was hesitant to do what he had done a million times before.

"I s'pose you're right," Merlin said climbing in.

They laid there, each deliberately leaving a few inches of space between their sides. They'd never had an issue with touching before, but now it was just…too different.

"So…is London what you'd thought it would be?" Merlin whispered.

"Christ, Merlin it's two in the morning. We're doing small talk now?" Arthur grumbled.

"Right. Right, yeah. Sorry." Merlin curled into his pillow, further away from Arthur.

"No," he heard Arthur whisper back. "No it's not."

"Hmm," Merlin said. And then after a moment added, "You kept the picture though."

"'Course I did. You're my best mate Merls." Arthur's voice was barely a whisper.

"Oh." Merlin flattened out so that his back was no longer to Arthur. "Oh. Didn't think I still was."

"Yeah, well. You are."

"Oh. Oh, well good, then." Merlin relaxed a bit more. "You're, uh. You're still mine too, you know."

Arthur didn't reply.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Since Chapter 7 was a bit shorter than normal, and I'd already had chapter 8 written (since this one is also a bit shorter than normal), I decided to post 2 at once! One time thing though, all other days will have only one chapter :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Arthur woke up freezing cold. He looked down on himself and found that he must have kicked off all the sheets and blankets during the night. Then, he realized someone was breathing beside him. Glancing to his right, he saw Merlin wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets.

"Merlin," he grumbled trying to yank one of the blankets from him. "Merlin, stop hogging all the blankets, I'm freezing!" He tugged a bit more.

Merlin's only response to this was to grumble and roll over so he was pressed against Arthur's side, but the edges of the blankets were then underneath him.

Arthur clung to the corner he already had, and gave one big yank, causing Merlin to spiral out of it and fall to the ground.

"Ow! What the hell?" Merlin sat on the ground rubbing the back of his head. His eyes were squinted, clearly not adjusted to being awake.

"Merlin." Merlin stood up and looked around, realizing he was in Arthur's room.

"Er—right. Hi. Morning. Erm, why exactly did you push me off the bed?"

Arthur chuckled. "Didn't push you. You had all the blankets and I simply wanted one. It's not my fault you wound them around yourself so that you'd go flying off the bed when I took one."

Merlin felt a blush creep up to his ears. "Right. Well. Sorry about that. Taking the blankets I mean. Obviously not winding them around myself because that didn't do anything to you. Yeah. Well, I'm going to go make some tea."

Arthur sat up. "You don't have to leave, I'm not kicking you out."

"Right. Of course not," Merlin gave a small grin. "Just flinging me out from the covers."

"Merlin—really it wasn't a hint or something, I just wanted a blanket."

"It's okay, I just want some tea," Merlin said and then ducked out of the room.

Arthur pulled the recovered blanket over his head and groaned. This was getting ridiculous.

_Alright_, he thought. _Enough is enough_.

He flipped the blanket off of him, threw on a sweatshirt and made his way to the kitchen. Merlin had just put the kettle on, and was standing leaned against the counter reading a book Arthur recognized as one of the ones he bought from Paper Leaves.

"I feel like we need to talk about this." Merlin looked up from his book as Arthur said that.

He nodded. "Yeah, okay. You're right. So. Which part do you want to talk about first?"

"Well," Arthur started as he got two mugs down from the cupboard, "maybe the part where you explain when you even applied to schools in Edinburgh?"

Merlin put his book down. "At the same time as all my other applications. You know me, I don't like not having a back-up plan. I'm not like you, London wasn't guaranteed for me. I needed something to fall back on."

"So you didn't get in?" Arthur felt a bit relieved. He wished Merlin had told him that he hadn't gotten in, but he understood if he had been embarrassed about it. (Even though Merlin shouldn't ever feel ashamed about anything about himself. Ever.)

"No," Merlin frowned. "I got in. But the program in Edinburgh was better."

"Oh."

"It's not like it was an easy decision, Arthur. I didn't make up my mind until right before the first payment was due."

"Why wouldn't it be an easy decision? If your opportunities were better in Edinburgh, of course you should have gone there." _No matter how much it sucks being away from you_, he didn't add.

"Well, yeah I guess. But that's not really how I saw it."

Arthur took the kettle off the stove and poured water over the tea bags. "No? How did you see it then?" He handed Merlin his cup.

Merlin swirled his tea bag around in the cup nervously. "Well, yeah okay Edinburgh had the better opportunity. But you were going to be in London."

Arthur couldn't look up from his tea. His face felt hot and he knew that if he looked up at Merlin, Merlin might see something in his face that he wasn't ready for.

"You could have told me when you were applying. I'd have applied to Edinburgh too," he told his reflection in the tea.

"Oh." It was barely a whisper.

"Yeah."

They drank their tea in silence for a few minutes. Then,

"Why'd you wait until that night to tell me?"

Merlin looked up and met Arthur's eyes for the first time all morning. "I didn't plan on waiting as long as I did. I didn't tell you straight away because I was only applying as a back-up. I didn't expect it to turn into anything that I had to tell you about. Then I didn't tell you because I hadn't made up my mind yet. I couldn't tell you until I'd decided. Then I did decide, and you were so excited about London and I hated thinking about how I was going to ruin it all for you, so I kept putting it off. Then I had put it off so long that I was so embarrassed and nervous about finally bringing it up because I should have told you straight away. It's not that I didn't want you to know, Arthur I swear. I really wanted to tell you, but I was so afraid you were going to hate me."

Arthur didn't say anything to that at first. He stirred his tea, a vague sense of guilt creeping up his gut. Merlin had been afraid that Arthur would hate him, and then as soon as Merlin did tell him, Arthur cut him out of his life for nearly three months.

It was all so fucked.

"I don't hate you, Merls. You're my best friend."

Merlin smiled, looking down at his feet. "Well, good. You're my best friend too. I don't ever want that to change, for anything."

Arthur looked away at this_. Right then. Not changing anything. _He brought his head back up and smiled at Merlin.

"So," he pushed off the counter he had been leaning against. "Waffles?"

Merlin beamed.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

Merlin flipped open his phone and dialed Arthur's number.

"Hey, Merls. What's up?"

"I need you to give Lance Gwen's number. I love her but she is driving me insane. She has not stopped talking about him since we left your flat eight days ago."

Arthur just laughed at that.

"Eight days, Arthur! This isn't funny!"

"Oh, poor Merlin. Though, maybe this could be fun. A survival challenge—let's see how long you can last listening to Gwen prattle on about Lance before you finally crack."

Merlin groaned. "Arthur. I have cracked. This is me cracking. Please, please,_ please_ help me!"

Chuckling, Arthur said "Text me her number and I'll send it on to Lance, and make sure he actually follows through on it."

"Arthur. Thank you. You are a magnificent human being."

"No problem, Merls. Hey, listen—do you have a sec? I've been meaning to—" he was cut off by some shouting on Merlin's end followed by a thud which was presumably Merlin dropping his phone, and then a scraping—Merlin scrambling to pick it back up.

"Arthur? Sorry about that. But I actually have to run, Gwaine may have started a small fire in our kitchen while trying to cook again. I'll text you Gwen's number. Thank you so much, again mate."

Arthur heard a beep and stared down at his phone, the screen flashing the words "Call Ended" under his nose in red.

* * *

Merlin poured soap and hot water into the pan that had Gwaine's mystery dinner still crusted along the bottom and sides, and left it in the sink to soak before banishing Gwaine from the use of all appliances.

"Alright, here's the deal Gwaine. You now are restricted to refrigerator use only. Permission must be granted for microwave and toaster use. Stove and oven are off limits."

"Merlin, you're overreacting."

"Why don't our smoke detectors work anymore? They worked the _last time_ you started a fire! When was the last time you changed the batteries in them? Aren't they supposed to do that terribly annoying beeping thing until you change the batteries?"

Gwaine pulled a beer out of the fridge and handed it to Merlin. "Go take a bath, mate."

Merlin grabbed the beer and stormed into the bathroom. He began running the water to fill the tub, and sent out a quick text to Arthur.

_"Here's Gwen's number. Thanks again. I owe you." _

He attached Gwen's contact information, and clicked send before stripping out of his clothes and settling into the bath.

A few minutes later he heard his phone chime and looked at who it was before opening the message. It was Arthur.

_"No problem, mate. How's the scorched kitchen?"_

Merlin chuckled and answered

_"Not all that scorched. Gwaine is no longer permitted to use the stove or oven. Now taking a bath to relax and escape from Gwaine's complaining over the new kitchen rules."_

It only took Arthur a minute to answer.

_"Wise choice. You free to skype or call later? Want to talk to you about something."_

Merlin stared at his phone, confused.

_"Yeah I'm free the rest of the night. Skype?" _

He would never tell Arthur (he didn't want to creep him out or anything), but as much as he loved texting and calling, he missed seeing Arthur's face. He had two months to make up for.

_"Perfect. In about two hours okay with you?" _was Arthur's reply.

_"Works for me."_

_"Alright, see you then. I'll leave you to your bath now ;)" _

Merlin stared at the winky face and slowly slid down the side of the tub, groaning, sinking under the water.

In truth, he was both terrified and exhilarated at the thought of skyping Arthur. They had talked every day since the night Arthur shared his bed, but they still weren't back to where they had been before That Night. It was driving Merlin insane—he wanted more Arthur than he had. He always wanted more Arthur than he had. But he didn't want to push him. He just got Arthur back, he just got Arthur to forgive him, he couldn't lose him again just because he didn't want as much space as Arthur did. So he waited around for the few measly texts Arthur sent each day, and waited for Arthur to show that he wanted to get back to how they used to be.

This skype date was either the first sign that he did, or for Arthur to tell Merlin to back off because he was getting a little creeped out at how Merlin always seemed to answer his texts within ten seconds.

He really didn't need to know that Merlin wanted more than what they used to be. He would take what he could get.

* * *

Two hours later Arthur sat in front of his laptop waiting for Merlin to sign on to skype. He had showered and made his hair look perfect—tousled but not scraggly—and had already figured out which way to tilt the screen to flatter his face the best, without making it look like he had been trying to hard. Not that it mattered. Just because he had a skype date didn't mean he had a skype _date_.

Elyan had to remind him that Merlin wouldn't be able to smell him through the computer when he had spotted Arthur reaching for his expensive cologne.

The bubble next to Merlin's name turned green. Arthur being the King of Cool, waited until Merlin send him a video call.

"Hey Merls," he smiled stupidly at his computer screen.

"Arthur! Long time no chat," Merlin joked.

"Oh shut up," Arthur grumbled. "Is that your room then?" He nodded in a way he hoped Merlin would take as him nodding towards the room Merlin was sitting in.

"Oh, yeah." Merlin blushed a bit. "My flat's not as posh as yours, so it's rather a bit smaller than your room. Well the whole flat is small, honestly."

"Let's see it then!"

Merlin ducked his head. "It's really not exciting, especially compared to yours. You'll be disappointed."

Arthur stuck his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. "Come on, Merls. You've seen my flat!"

"Exactly!" Merlin yelled. "That's why I don't want you to see mine!"

"What happens when I come to visit you? Are you going to blindfold me the whole time?"

Gwaine, who had been just about to knock on Merlin's door said, rather loudly, from the other side of the door, "Blindfolds? Kinky. Who're you talking to about blindfolds?"

Merlin blushed and turned away, tipping his computer screen down slightly. "What do you want Gwaine?"

Gwaine opened the door and stepped in, flopping himself down on the edge of the bed. "Oh, is that Arthur? Hey mate!" Gwaine bent his head down to try and get in view of the camera. Arthur gave a meager wave and Gwaine popped back up, facing Merlin.

"Gwaine," Arthur heard Merlin say, exasperated. "Focus. What do you need?"

"I just wanted to ask you for permission to use the toaster."

"Yeah, fine, go ahead, just get out of here," Merlin sighed.

Arthur saw Gwaine (well, saw his torso) walk up to Merlin and put him in some sort of headlock-hug thing before he heard him say, "Aw thanks Merlin. I think I like you best."

Arthur nearly choked. He was glad Merlin had tilted the screen down because he was flushing and frowning, his eyebrows drawn together, and his eyes squeezed shut tight, dreading the line he knew came next.

"Bugger off, Gwaine. I'm trying to talk to Arthur."

Arthur opened his eyes, just in time to see Merlin titling the screen back up to look at him.

"Sorry about that," Merlin grimaced. "I told him he needs permission to use the toaster after setting our kitchen on fire twice while trying to make dinner."

"Twice?"

"Yeah," Merlin began to explain. "A while ago he also nearly burnt our flat down while trying to make dinner when Freya came to visit."

Arthur looked down guiltily. "I feel terrible. I haven't actually spoken to Freya all that much since I've moved out here. She always seemed to be your friend more than mine, so I was afraid she wouldn't want to talk to me after I'd ignored you for so long."

Merlin's face softened. "You should call her, Arthur. She misses you. She was never mad at you, and actually she was more pissed at me for fucking everything up in the first place. She's your friend too, she'd want to hear from you. She loves you, Arthur." He paused. "We all do."

He gave a weak smile, which Arthur returned for a few moments too long to be considered an appropriate amount of time between friends.

Arthur coughed. "Well. Not sure Morgana actually does."

Merlin laughed. "How is she?"

"Actually," Arthur dragged out the word. "She's the reason I wanted to talk. She wants us to all come and stay with her on a weekend. You know, get there Friday, leave on Sunday sort of thing. Sometime soon."

"And she didn't ask me this herself because…?" Merlin frowned, confused.

"Well," Arthur rubbed the back of his neck. "Okay so she didn't, strictly speaking, believe me when I told her we had, you know, patched things over. She wanted me to prove I wasn't lying by asking you myself."

Merlin's laughed echoed scratchily in his laptop speakers. "Of course she did."

"Well," Arthur began, nervously. "Now you can call her. And you know ask her about going to visit. And let her know…tell her we're back. You know. To us." Arthur's eyes kept avoiding looking at Merlin, but Merlin waited until he looked back at him before answering.

"Of course I will. I'd love to. You know. Tell her. Back to us." He gave a face splitting grin to Arthur, who returned it whole heartedly.

"Alright, dork. Now show me around your flat."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Sorry this chapter isn't as Merthur centered as the rest, but it's high time for some answers from Merlin don't you think?**

**Anyway, sorry if this isn't what you were looking for in this chapter, but more Merthur in the next chapters! As always, R&R :)**

* * *

**CHAPTER TEN**

Merlin was juggling containers of Chinese take away as he knocked on the door to Gwen's flat. When she opened he greeted her with a smile and exclaimed, "I come bearing food!"

Gwen laughed and moved aside to let Merlin in. He made a dash for the table and dumped, less than gracefully, dumped all the food out from his arms.

"Did you buy out the entire shop?"

"I think I left an eggroll or two for them," Merlin grinned cheekily.

"Well," Gwen said bringing down bowls and plates. "I'm grateful either way. I feel as if I haven't eaten in a week."

Merlin and Gwen filled up their bowls and plates, and then, per usual, sat on the floor around the coffee table, putting some mindless program on in the background while they ate and chatted.

"You seem tired," Merlin commented between mouthfuls.

Gwen nodded, chewing. "Just a lot of course work. And we seem to always be short staffed at the restaurant lately, so when I'm not actually in class or doing school work I'm there." Gwen was a part time waitress at an Italian restaurant down the road from her flat. She was constantly being called in to work when she wasn't scheduled, and Gwen, always too nice, would take shifts from anybody who even hinted that they didn't want to work.

"You need to stop taking other people's shifts, Gwen. You're overwhelmed. When was the last time you had free time? Not time to do homework or grocery shopping, but actual free time where you were able to just lounge around?"

"Um, I don't know?" Gwen answered guiltily.

"Exactly. I barely ever see you anymore!"

"I'm sorry, I am! You know I miss seeing you."

Merlin nodded. "I know. But you really are allowed to think of yourself now and again. Plus, I'm guessing Lance is dying for you to get some free time so that you two can spend a weekend together," he winked.

Gwen slapped him playfully. "Merlin! Nothing has happened between us!"

"Oh please, your phone has gone off fifteen times in the last five minutes. You guys are addicted to each other. It would be adorable if it wasn't so sickening."

Blushing, Gwen stammered, "I repeat: nothing has happened. Yet."

"But you do want it to!"

"Of course I do! Have you seen him?" Gwen asked.

Merlin scrunched up his nose. "Yeah, he is gorgeous. But, luckily for you, he's not my type."

Gwen howled with laughter. "Well maybe something will happen soon, but for now, the two of us just like to talk to each other."

"That's really nice, Gwen." Merlin smiled sincerely.

"He says Arthur has been a lot happier since you visited. Lance thinks he was homesick."

"You say that like you don't believe him."

Gwen studied him curiously for a minute. Then, slowly putting her plate down she cocked an eyebrow.

"You've seemed a lot happier since we visited, too."

Merlin shoveled food into his mouth.

"Merlin, what's the deal with you and Arthur?" Gwen demanded.

Merlin, mouth still full of food just said "Huh?" and went back to chewing.

"Well," Gwen began. "He's in all your pictures from home, but you didn't talk about him for the first couple weeks you were here. Then he was the star of every story from your childhood, but as far as I could tell, you hadn't been in contact with him from when school started to when we went to London. Now you talk to him every day, several times. And you and Arthur both seemed 'homesick' for weeks leading up to our trip to London, but now suddenly you both are ridiculously happy all the time. You keep everything quite close to the chest when it comes to what you're feeling, and I'm just trying to figure it out."

"It's a bit complicated," Merlin said, trying to avoid this conversation.

"We've got nothing better to do. Please, explain."

"Okay. Um, well I wasn't supposed to live in Edinburgh, I was supposed to move to London with Arthur."

"What?"

"I've known Arthur since we were both six, and for most of that time, we said we would move to London for uni. London was Arthur's idea. I didn't really care about the city as long as I got to stay with Arthur."

"But you're here," Gwen prompted.

"Yeah, well I applied to a few other places. As a back-up, you know? London was kind of a long shot for me."

"And you didn't get in?"

"No, I did. But the course here was actually much better than the one in London. I didn't decide right away though, because all I'd ever seen myself doing was going to London with Arthur."

"Did Arthur apply other places?"

"No, and I didn't tell him I did either, which was really stupid and terrible of me and it caused this whole big problem with us later. But, what you have to get is that London was Arthur's _dream_. He started talking about it when we were just kids. He couldn't wait to get to London. I couldn't tell him that I'd applied other places because then he would have applied to them too and then I would have felt like I was taking him away from his bloody life-long dream. And I couldn't do that, you know? If anyone deserves to get what they've wanted their whole life, it's Arthur."

"And, what made you decide?"

This is where Merlin hesitated. He hadn't told anybody this. Not Morgana or Freya or Will or his mum. Especially not Arthur. He didn't really want anybody to know, it was sort of embarrassing.

"Okay, so I didn't decide until the last minute. And I mean, really seriously the last minute. It was the day I had to send the first payment in that I finally made the choice. I woke up that morning and told myself that I'd wait for a sign, and then I'd send the money in, where ever it was that I chose."

Gwen snorted. "A sign, Merlin. Really?"

"Yeah, trust me, I know it's stupid."

"So, what sign did you receive?"

Merlin sighed. "Not so much a sign as a wake-up call. It was the day Arthur told me he had slept with his latest fling, this guy Percy—who is huge by the way, like the complete opposite of me in every way—and I just realized that I couldn't go to London with Arthur as we were. It sounds so stupid, but I was really in denial for a long time. I thought I'd be able to live with Arthur for the rest of my life as he went from relationship to relationship. I thought I could deal with it as I always had. Just push it aside and be happy to be Arthur's best mate. But I really, really couldn't. And as much as I hate being away from him, it was horrible watching from the sideline as he dated person, after person. So, I sent the payment in. To Edinburgh."

Gwen picked up their plates and brought them into the kitchen. She started boxing up the leftover food as Merlin washed the dishes. She was quiet until all the washing up was done. Then, she handed Merlin a glass of wine, and began pouring one for herself.

"I guess I'm just still confused. I mean, Arthur started planning a life with you when he was six years old. You are obviously the most important person in his life, too."

"It was different for him though," Merlin frowned. "I mean, I know I was important to him. I'd be an idiot to doubt that. But Arthur's family has such a weird dynamic that they didn't really function as a proper family. His dad was never really around, and he and his sister get along when Freya and I are there, but they both have such strong personalities that they couldn't spend too much time alone together without butting heads. He sort of adopted my family. He called my mum 'Mum.' He'd stay over and say things like 'so, what's mum making for dinner tonight?' I'm like a little brother to him"

Gwen furrowed her brow. "I think you're underestimating your worth to Arthur. But none of this explains the weird absence of Arthur from your life for nearly two months of your life in Edinburgh."

"Well, you know how I told you that I didn't tell Arthur that I applied to other places? I also didn't tell him when I got in. Or when I decided to move here. I only told him about a month before we both left Ealdor."

"_What?_"

"Trust me, I know. I couldn't have messed it up more than I did. I didn't know how to explain myself though, because it's not as if I could tell him why I finally made the decision, could I? And Arthur, obviously—and understandably—did not take the news very well. I picked a really horrible time to tell him, and he was really upset and didn't speak to me until that trip to London when we talked it all out. Mostly."

"Well that's just one mess after another isn't it?" Gwen pulled him into a hug. "But I really do think you should tell Arthur the real reason you didn't move to London."

"Yeah," Merlin said knowing he wouldn't. "Maybe."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Once again-love hearing your thoughts, please R&R :)**

**Character's Belong to BBC's Merlin.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

A couple days after speaking to Arthur, Merlin finally got Morgana-and not her voicemail-on the phone.

"Well hello, Emrys. Been awhile since I heard your voice."

Merlin smirked. "Well, Pendragon, if you hadn't been gallivanting around Paris, maybe I could have caught you on the phone more than I caught your machine."

"Oh hush," she tutted. "So, I assume you haven't heard, but since this is the only time we've been able to catch each other on the phone for weeks, I'm going to forgo waiting for Arthur, and tell you myself. So I was thinking—"

"Morgana, I already know. Which days were you thinking?" Merlin interrupted.

Morgana coughed, cleared her throat before answering. "And how is it that you know I want you all to come and stay? I assume Freya told you?"

"Nope," Merlin chuckled. "Not Freya."

"Enlighten me, dear."

Smirking, Merlin answered her. "Arthur told me."

"So then," Merlin could hear the smile in her voice. "Are congratulations in order?"

"Er—I guess so? I mean, it depends on what you're congratulating me on."

Her laughter bubbled over the phone. "Don't be dense, Merlin. You know exactly what I'm referring to. When did you tell Arthur?"

"Oh, I thought he told you. Um about two weeks ago, I guess."

"Merlin, why are you being so casual about this? You two have been pining for each other practically since you met, and now you're finally together! Is a little enthusiasm too much to ask for?" Morgana's voice was cold and demanding.

"What? We're not together Morgana! What the hell?"

"Well, what the bloody hell did you tell him then?"

Merlin whacked his head against the wall. "I told him about going to Edinburgh!" He banged his head a few times. "Wait—what do you mean Arthur's been pining for me?"

Morgana's laugh was more of a cackle. "You cannot be serious."

"Jesus Christ, Morgana. Can you give me a straight answer for once in your life?"

"Merlin. You are not this stupid. Arthur did not ignore you for nearly three months just because he was upset his friend decided not to play house with him."

Merlin flopped down onto his couch. "No, Arthur hasn't been _pining_ for me. That's absurd. Why would—I mean he never—it just doesn't—no. You've just…misinterpreted things, that's all."

"Merlin, as much as I love listening to you sputter incoherently, I have to run. I'll talk to Arthur and Freya about dates for visiting, and then let you know, okay? Give Arthur my love! Or yours!" Merlin could practically hear her wink over the phone before she hung up. Always needing the last word.

"Oh God," he groaned into the pillow. "I'm such a bloody idiot."

* * *

Two weeks later, Merlin found himself standing outside Arthur's flat again. The past two weeks had been…horrible. First, he talked to Arthur a little less while he tried to sort out everything by himself. Figure out how the hell Arthur Pendragon could possibly have feelings for _him_. It just didn't make sense. And then, when he realized talking to Arthur less was just increasing the speed at which he spiraled into insanity, he started talking to him non-stop. That only helped his crumbling sanity by a marginal amount. He started over analyzing everything Arthur said to him, only to later get frustrated and angry with himself, because of course there was nothing to analyze. He was Arthur's best mate. Arthur didn't have _feelings_ for him. If he did, he would have just told Merlin. Arthur knows he's charming. He knows people don't say no to him. Especially Merlin who had never really been able to say no to Arthur in all the years they knew each other. And Arthur had never been subtle about his feelings with anyone else he had been interested in, so it's not as if he would be subtle with Merlin.

So, no. Arthur couldn't possibly have feelings for him. Merlin would have noticed. And of course, if he had noticed, he would have bloody done something about it, because Morgana was at least half right.

He forced himself to knock, terrified of what he'd see in Arthur when the door opened.

"Oh, Merlin! Hey mate."

It was Elyan.

Merlin breathed one quick sigh of relief before panic crept in again.

"Hey, Elyan. Um, Arthur told you I was coming, right? I mean I'm just staying the night, because we are leaving in the morning, and it's basically night time right now so, I mean, I'll be out of your hair soon." Merlin shifted back and forth on his feet nervously. Why was he nervous again?

"Relax, mate. Arthur told me. He's just in the shower. He expected the trip from the station to here to take a bit longer, so that's why he's not greeting you at the door." Elyan stepped aside and ushered Merlin into the flat. The pull out couch was already set up for him, so he dropped his bag on top of it, and then followed Elyan into the kitchen.

"How've you been since the last time I crashed your flat, then?" Merlin asked nodding thanks to Elyan who handed him a cup of tea.

"Oh, it's been brilliant here. I mean, Arthur was great before, but I think he was a bit homesick. Seeing you did him wonders—he's been nearly jolly, and we haven't been subjected to anymore inexplicable sulky pub nights," Elyan grinned.

"Oh, well that's great to hear. And you? You've been good I hope?" Merlin asked again, hoping to avoid a conversation that he no doubt would over analyze later.

"Yeah, been good definitely. Bit boring, but good."

"Oh yeah," Merlin laughed. "That London life is just horribly dull, I'm sure."

Elyan chuckled and took a sip of his tea. They drank in companionable silence for a few minutes until Elyan finished his, and excused himself to go call a friend. Merlin stayed in the kitchen, happily sipping the remaining drops of tea in his cup, when suddenly an arm was wrapped loosely around his neck, and a fist was rubbing into his already disastrous hair.

"Arthur! Get off me!" Merlin nearly squealed.

Arthur gave his hair one last rub, pressing Merlin's face closer to his collar bone which was currently sporting drops of water trickling down beneath his t-shirt. Merlin gave a nearly inaudible groan and Arthur then released him, grinning like a maniac.

"Hey, Merls."

Merlin shoved him. "Prat."

"Oh, shut up. You love it." Arthur opened the fridge and got himself a beer, and then looked to Merlin to see if he wanted one. Merlin nodded and nearly fell over in an attempt to catch the bottle he thought Arthur had tossed to him. Arthur, having only mimed throwing it, grabbed Merlin's arm and steadied him, before shoving the beer in his hand.

"So," Arthur started. "Seeing as we are planning on leaving rather early tomorrow, reason states that we shouldn't be up super late. My Doctor Who DVDs on the other hand, suggest exactly the opposite. What do you think?"

"Can't say no to the Doctor, can I?" Merlin grinned at Arthur. "But, it's got to be the tenth doctor."

"Obviously."

"Okay then."

Arthur grinned and wrapped his arm on top of Merlin's shoulders and dragged him to the living room.

* * *

The episode they were watching finished and the screen went blank. They had been watching for hours, sprawled out on the sofa bed, because it was taking up most of the space in front of the television and it was comfortable.

Exhausted, and a bit loopy, Merlin poked Arthur with his toes.

"Arthur. Arrrthuurrr. The DVD has ended. Are we sleeping? Turn it off. Or do you want to watch another. I might sleep but I don't mind. Maybe I'll dream of David Tennant. Arrthhuuurrr. Arthur."

"Shut up, Merlin." Arthur grumbled into the pillow underneath his face.

"Arthur, where is the remote? I have to turn it off."

Arthur groaned and waved his hand, gesturing to somewhere down by his feet. Merlin wriggled around, and found it squished under Arthur's stomach. He peeled it out from under Arthur, and clicked it off.

"Arthur. Arthur. Are you asleep."

"Mmmm. I'll get up and move to my bed in a minute. Just in a minute."

Merlin wriggled back under the blankets and faced Arthur before closing his eyes. "S'okay if you stay here. I don't mind." He poked Arthur's foot with his own.

"We've got to be up in just a few hours anyway," Arthur said, eyes shut.

* * *

They didn't wake up properly until they were in a cab, on their way to Morgana's flat. After getting only about three hours of sleep, they had an unspoken agreement to stay silent and sleepy for the majority of the trip from London to Paris, taking naps along the way.

"Next time I suggest we stay up late watching Doctor Who the night before we have to get up early, tell me I'm and idiot," Arthur said finally breaking the silence.

Merlin, whose head was pressed against the cab window, as a horribly uncomfortable replacement of a pillow grumbled "I always tell you you're an idiot, and you never listen."

Arthur turned his head away to hide his smile.

* * *

Morgana, much to their dismay, was chipper as ever when they got to her flat.

"Hello boys!" she exclaimed, squishing them into a three person hug. "Freya is already here, she's helping me make a huge brunch for us all!"

Arthur and Merlin returned the hug and then pulled away, walking into her flat. It was huge. Merlin gaped at it. It was like a small house.

"Wow, Morgana. This place is brilliant. Where should I drop my bag?"

"Oh, you and Arthur will be in the guest room. Freya was staying there but she agreed to bunk with me so that no one has to kip on the sofa."

Merlin couldn't believe it. "You have a guest room?"

"Of course, Merlin," Morgana purred. "Well, I do now that my dreadful roommate has moved out. Now, the two of you look absolutely terrible. Probably stayed up until the wee hours of the morning," she threw in a wink there, just to be crude. "Go take a nap and we will wake you when we finish cooking."

Gratefully, Merlin and Arthur went into the guest room and dropped their bags on their respective sides of the bed. Merlin collapsed onto the bed without even taking his shoes off.

"Merls. Morgana will kill you if she sees your dirty trainers on her no doubt expensive linens"

Merlin just curled himself into the bed more. "Lock the door then."

Merlin heard Arthur sigh and take his own shoes off. Then, he felt the end of his side of the bed dip, and he tilted his head to see Arthur, perched on the end of the mattress, untying Merlin's trainers and carefully slipping them off, clearly trying not to disturb Merlin. Then he crawled into his side of the bed, before deciding he wanted use of the covers.

"Merlin," he poked the nearly sleeping man next to him. "Merls, I want the blankets. You're lying on top of them."

"That's a shame," Merlin yawned.

"Merls!" Arthur whined. "Please, come on!" Merlin didn't move.

Arthur grabbed Merlin by the waist and put him into an upright position. He peeled the blankets down from where Merlin's back had just been resting. Then, pushing Merlin back down, he lifted Merlin's legs, to peel the covers back the rest of the way. He dropped Merlin's legs as he pulled the blankets up covering both of them.

"Mmmm,"he heard Merlin say, as he snuggled into the blankets, a bit closer to Arthur than he was before. "Thanks, prat."

Arthur smiled into the pillow facing Merlin. "You're welcome, idiot," he said and shut his eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Merlin's phone screeching on the bedside table woke him. He moved to pounce on it before it woke Arthur, but found himself trapped beneath a large, heavy limb. Before he had time to discreetly slip out from under Arthur's arm, Arthur's eyes flitted open and he saw Merlin awake next to him, his own arm draped over Merlin's torso.

"Sorry," Merlin mumbled. "I forgot to put my phone on silent before we went to sleep. Didn't mean to wake you, sorry." He reached for his phone on the bedside table, looked at the screen and then switched the ringer off before settling back into his pillow.

Arthur, unsure how to proceed, asked tentatively "Do you not need to answer that?"

Merlin opened his eyes again and, smiling shook his head. "It was just Gwaine. Probably just wants to use the toaster or the microwave."

"Not going to grant him that when you're not there?"

"He'll just do it anyway. No need really." Merlin gave him a small sleepy smile and closed his again.

Arthur did not know what to do. Merlin had woken up before him and therefore would have been able to move his arm away, but he didn't. Then when he reached for his phone, he could have shrugged out of the quasi-embrace, but again he didn't. But neither did he seem overly enthusiastic about snuggling up to Arthur. If this were a _normal_ relationship, anyone in Merlin's position would have moved closer to Arthur, deepening the embrace. But Merlin didn't do that either.

Was he over thinking this? Should he just leave his arm there? Merlin didn't seem to mind, and even though Arthur couldn't remember when he tried to cuddle up with Merlin, he didn't actually want to move away.

As if reading his thoughts, Merlin scooted over, bringing himself closer to Arthur. Arthur dropped his head further down the pillow, after one long sigh, bringing his forehead nearly touching to Merlin's, and then let himself fall back asleep.

* * *

When Merlin woke up for the second time, the arm was gone from his stomach. And Arthur was gone from the bed. Feeling even more confused than ever, Merlin stretched and crawled out of the bed, and made his way to the living room where he found Freya reading.

"Well hello there sleepy head!" she squealed running over to him and nearly tackling him into a hug. "You and Arthur ruined our plans for brunch because it is far too late for brunch now. Morgana and I figured you two needed your sleep, after spending the night together last night after so long apart, so we already ate, but the food is still out if you should get hungry."

"I don't know what lies Morgana has filled your head with, but Arthur and I are not _together_. We stayed up watching Doctor Who last night. That's all."

"Then why are you blushing?"

Merlin looked around the living room and peeked over into the kitchen. "Where are Morgana and Arthur?"

"Oh, Arthur said he wanted to go for a walk, so Morgana decided to take him to a café a few blocks away," Freya answered.

"Okay. I need to talk to you."

Freya leaned in conspiratorially. "That's what we are doing," she whispered.

Merlin shoved her. "Shut up, I'm serious." He took a deep breath. "Do you think Arthur might…like me? As more than friends, I mean?"

Freya laughed. "Obviously. Next question."

"What the hell?" Merlin threw his hands in the air. "Why did no one choose to tell me this? Apparently everybody knew! Except maybe Will, but he hasn't been around so that doesn't even really count."

"No, Will knew."

"What?"

"Back when Will and I were dating, we'd take bets on when the two of you would get your shit together and finally just shag," Freya giggled.

"But that was years ago! Arthur's feelings for me _must _be a new thing."

"Merlin, exactly how long have you been in love with Arthur? Do you remember when it started?"

Merlin mumbled something incoherently.

"What was that?" Freya pried.

"Since he wiped those bloody woodchips off my bum," he grumbled.

Freya looked smug. "I'm pretty sure that's when Arthur knew too."

Merlin collapsed onto the sofa. "But…he never said anything. He dated other people." Merlin's voice was small.

"I think he was afraid of messing your friendship up. And he probably didn't think you were interested. You never really talked about fancying anybody."

"That's because I fancied him!"

"Yes, but you know Arthur is insecure about things like that, things that matter. He needed to see solid proof that you wouldn't reject him."

"He was never insecure about anyone else he dated."

Freya put her hand on his knee. "They didn't matter Merlin."

"But…I spent all these years trying to hide it because I thought, 'If he was interested, Merls, he would have done something by now' and then he kept dating other people, and I just convinced myself that we were only ever going to be good friends."

Freya pulled her hand back and came to sit next to Merlin on the couch.

"Just, out of curiosity, what made you notice now?"

"Just…stuff Morgana said. And then I woke up and Arthur's arm was around me—" Freya interrupted him, squealing. "No, but then he was gone when I woke up the second time."

Freya sat puzzled. "Were you weird about his arm being around you the first time?"

"No. My phone had woken us up, but I turned it off without moving his arm, and then I went back to sleeping, still under his arm. I even moved closer! But then he was gone."

Freya stood up. "Honestly Merlin, we can sit here spouting theories, or you can just be an adult and talk to Arthur about it. This whole pining thing was cute when you were like six, but it's just getting ridiculous now."

She moved into the kitchen and Merlin heard her put the kettle on. Merlin waited a few minutes and followed her in there. He filled his plate with leftovers from Freya and Morgana's brunch.

"You're right. I'll talk to him. I will," Merlin said.

* * *

That night, Morgana insisted on playing Never Have I Ever, even though they were supposedly adults now, and they had played it a million times so they presumably knew everything there was to know about each other.

Merlin, was skittish during every round. He hadn't talked to Arthur like he told Freya he would, and he knew either she or Morgana (or both) would bring something about it up. They would claim to mean well, but Merlin knew they were just meddling harpies.

It was Arthur's turn, and they'd run out of all their usual tricks to get each other's fingers down. He sat, thoughtful for a moment, took a sip of Morgana's fancy, expensive, French wine and then said "Never have I ever…been to Edinburgh."

Merlin and Freya put their fingers down. Merlin had two fingers left, and he just knew that Freya and Morgana were going to target him on their turns.

"Never have I ever…," Freya began. Then she locked eyes with Merlin and continued. "Never have I ever fancied anybody in this room."

Merlin and Arthur both put fingers down, blushing and avoiding each other's eyes.

Morgana cackled. "Okay," she began. "Never have I ever gotten off while thinking of someone in this room." Arthur choked on the wine he had just taken a sip of, and Merlin turning scarlet, lowered his final finger. Arthur, gasping for air lowered one of his remaining fingers.

"Ah, we have a winner! Or a loser," Freya sputtered. "Depends on which way you look at it."

"You know the rules, Merlin," Morgana grinned. "Loser must choose either truth or dare."

Merlin knew exactly what was coming. "We made up that rule when we were like, twelve. Don't you think we're a little old for that?"

"Nope!" Morgana and Freya practically sang.

"Fine. Dare then," he snapped.

Arthur could tell that something was wrong with Merlin. He cleared his throat. "Since I have the most fingers left up, I believe I am the one who gets to pick the dare for Merlin," he said.

Morgana and Freya pouted.

"Okay Merlin," he drummed his fingers along his jaw, thinking. And Merlin absolutely Did Not think about licking along his jaw line and then taking Arthur's fingers into his mouth.

Christ, he had had too much wine. His filter was completely shot.

"Your dare is to wear an outfit of Morgana and Freya's choosing for the rest of the night," Arthur grinned.

He was almost as bad as his harpy sister.

Merlin found himself in tight, gold spandex booty shorts and nothing else for the rest of the night.

Arthur found himself Not Staring at the blush that crept its way up Merlin's pale taut stomach to his neck and cheeks.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to let Morgana be in control of the outfit when he knew he had to share a bed with Merlin that same night.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I know I've been terrible about replying to comments, but I want you to know that I do read all of them. And thank you so so much to those of you who have been leaving comments, they have all been so nice and it always brightens my day when I get feedback from you! that's kind of the whole point of sharing a story online! So, anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

**Oh and only one more chapter to go after this!**

* * *

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Merlin, changed into a thin gray t-shirt and flannel pants, sat cross legged on the bed while Arthur washed up in the bathroom.

"I'm going to talk to him. I am," he kept telling himself. "I'll do it. When the time is right. No need to rush things or ambush him. Right? Wait for the moment Merlin, wait for the moment."

He was still muttering under his breath and nodding to himself when Arthur came back in, hair dripping over his head, t-shirt clinging to his stomach.

He glanced over at Merlin. "Changed out of the booty shorts then?" He smirked.

"Didn't you ever wonder why I never dated anyone?" Merlin blurted out, surprising himself. His eyes grew comically wide, and he felt the blood drain from his face. _Yeah_, he thought. _Way to wait for the moment_.

Arthur turned slowly to face him. "W-what?"

"I mean, didn't you think it was weird? You dated loads of people. Morgana dated load of people. Freya dated Will. Weren't you curious as to why I was the only one who didn't date anybody?"

"I didn't date loads of people."

Merlin scoffed. "Oh, please Arthur. There was Vivian, Cedric, Sophia, and Elena, Percy—"

"Stop!" Arthur looked mad. "What exactly are you trying to prove?"

"That maybe the reason I never dated anybody, was that you dated enough for the two of us!"

Arthur was fuming now. "Since when do you care about my dating life?" he spat.

"Aurrggh, since always!" Merlin didn't know what to say. This was not going as planned.

"So keeping things to yourself is just a habit of yours, then?" Arthur looked away, the same expression on his face as the night Merlin told him that he wasn't going to London.

Merlin looked as if Arthur had struck him. "I thought we had moved past that."

"So the only one in this relationship who is allowed to hold onto things is you?" Arthur challenged.

"I don't hold onto things like that to use them as a weapon against you!"

Arthur huffed out a laugh. "Then what the hell is this about, Merlin? Why are you suddenly attacking me for dating people? You think it's my fault you never dated anyone?"

"Of course it's your fault!"

"How the hell does that work? I didn't chase people away from you, you just never showed any interest in anyone!"

Merlin groan and raked his hands through his hair. "I bloody well did show interest in someone, but he was too busy off being a prat and dating everyone who walked past him to notice!" Merlin stared pointedly at Arthur.

Arthur said nothing for a minute.

"Okay," Merlin started. "Never mind. I clearly got this wrong. I should never listen to Morgana again, don't know why I did in the first—"

"You're an idiot," Arthur cut him off. "I dated people because I didn't think I stood a chance with you. I wanted a distraction."

"Did it work?"

"Fuck no," Arthur breathed.

At that, Merlin gave a small smile. Arthur sat next to him on the bed. Merlin played with the hem of Arthur's t-shirt.

"Are you still mad about Edinburgh?" he asked Arthur quietly.

"I just wish I was there with you. God, Merls you have no idea how much." Arthur paused and then, bracing himself, asked the question that had been on his mind for months. "Why'd you tell me that night?"

"I already told you—it had just gotten to be so much, but I had to tell you—"

"No I get why you waited. But—why that night? What made you pick that moment?"

"Because it was either that or tell you I've been stupidly in love with you since I was six years old and you wiped the woodchips off my bum. But I couldn't tell you that. I was lying to you about something else, and I was sure you weren't interested, I mean I wasn't sure, but I was pretty sure any interest you were showing was just a result of being drunk and some weird nostalgia playing on your emotions and—"

Arthur cut him off, kissing him hard and then sucking on his bottom lip. He felt Merlin move his fingers from the hem of his shirt to the skin directly under it and felt flashes of heat work their way from each of Merlin's fingers all across his body. Arthur went back to kissing Merlin full on and he felt Merlin smile against his lips.

"You cut me off a lot," Merlin said.

"Do shut up, Merlin."

"See there you go again!"

"Idiot."

"Prat."

Merlin kissed the corners of Arthur's mouth where his lips were turned up in a smile, and Arthur raked his fingers through Merlin's hair. Merlin moved back to catch his lips while Arthur wrapped an arm around Merlin's waist. He dragged him up the bed, away from the edge and laid Merlin out beneath him.

He scrunched Merlin's shirt up until it was bunched up in his armpits and moved to kissing his stomach while Merlin yanked it the rest of the way off. He wanted to taste every bit of his stomach, couldn't get enough, Merlin felt hot and flushed beneath him, and if Arthur wasn't hard already, that certainly would have done him in. He then felt hands tugging at the back of his shirt so he detached himself from Merlin's chest to pull it off.

Merlin splayed his hands over Arthur's chest and ran them down his stomach and along and up his back, before diving back towards Arthur's lips. He couldn't believe Arthur's lips. They tasted of wine and cherry lip balm and toothpaste, a combination disgusting in theory but delectable now that he had the opportunity to taste it.

Arthur broke away, eyes hungry and began sucking at the skin beneath Merlin's jaw, and tweaked Merlin's nipple between his fingers. Merlin's breathy moan was enough to make him move his mouth down and flick his tongue across his nipple.

In response, Merlin ground his hips against Arthur's, the thin fabric of Arthur's pajamas hiding nothing from Merlin. Merlin moaned and ground his hips again.

"Oh, god," Arthur breathed and rutted his hips into Merlin's in response.

Merlin brought his hands down from Arthur's back, running them slowly down his spine, slipping under his waist band to slide his hands along his bum, leaving a tingling trail down Arthur's back. After a few moments he drew his hands out of Arthur's pants and yanked down Arthur's pajama bottoms. Arthur followed suit, grabbing at the legs of Merlin's pajamas and tugging until they slid off his hips.

Arthur crawled back up, kissing his way up Merlin's stomach, licking up his collar bone and neck, and reaching his hand down to palm Merlin though his briefs.

"A—Arthur," Merlin groaned against his lips. "Oh, Christ." Merlin arched up into Arthur's touch.

"Wait," Merlin gasped. Arthur drew up, confused. "Morgana and Freya…in the next room."

Arthur went back to kissing his neck. "They no doubt meddled to get us to this point. If they don't like what they hear, too bad."

Merlin smirked and nipped at Arthur's shoulder, shoving at his chest to move him off of his own chest. Arthur obliged, dragging Merlin into an upright position with him. Merlin straddled Arthur's hips and shoved him down, so that he was on top.

He dragged his mouth, tongue trailing along over Arthur's chest, quickly flicking over each nipple before continuing downward. Arhur twisted and arched up into the touch of his lips, hoping for more. Merlin kissed just below his naval and then slid down even further, mouthing Arthur's cock through his pants.

"Christ Merlin," Arthur moaned. "Please—will you—?"

Merlin answered by clawing Arthur's pants off, taking Arthur in hand. Then he licked a slow strip from base to tip, reveling in Arthur's ragged breath.

"M—Merlin, god, _please_, ngh—" Arthur was cut off from coherency when Merlin took him into his mouth, tongue swirling over the head and then along the sides.

_God, that mouth, _Arthur thought, clutching Merlin's hair, keeping Merlin around him. It was warm and soft and wet, and Arthur wanted it to last forever. He wanted Merlin, all of Merlin, and he wanted Merlin to have him.

He knew he was getting close. "Merlin, ngh, _Merlin_, stop." He drew Merlin off his cock and brought him up for a slow, deep kiss. "I don't want to come yet," he whispered into Merlin's mouth.

Merlin answered with a kiss. "What do you want Arthur?" he asked, eyes dark.

Arthur knew exactly what he wanted, with Merlin staring at him with dark eyes. Full of lust.

"Merlin," he started. He drew Merlin's hand up to his mouth. "This was the finger you put down for fancying someone. Was it me?" Merlin nodded. Arthur sucked his finger into his mouth, Merlin let his head drop back, eyes fluttering closed.

"And this finger," Arthur said, holding the one next to the one with saliva. "Who here did you wank while thinking about?"

Merlin's hips rutted against his when Merlin leaned down to whisper in his ear. "You, Arthur. Always you. So many times."

This was almost enough to make Arthur come, and all the invitation Arthur needed. He took the two fingers into his mouth, sucking hard while he peeled Merlin's briefs off, exposing his cock, which Arthur took in hand while still sucking Merlin's fingers, sucking and pumping harder with each one of Merlin's moans.

He drew Merlin's fingers out of his mouth once they were coated in a thick layer of saliva. He kept a hold of Merlin's wrist directing the fingers down towards his arse.

"Merlin—can you—will you—" his sentence cut off from ragged breathing at the contact between his cock and Merlin's.

"Yes, Arthur?" Merlin breathed.

"Will you fuck me?" Merlin leaned down for a kiss, thrusting his tongue in Arthur's mouth, before moving the first finger Arthur had prepared to Arthur's opening. He coaxed Arthur open, loosening with one finger, then with the second. He wanted to put a third in, so he held his hand out to Arthur, sticking his third finger out.

"Want to do the honors? Or shall I?"

"This time—you," Arthur croaked.

Merlin happily obliged, sucking heartily on his own finger, making obscene noises, enjoying watching Arthur squirm.

"Jesus, Merls, I'm gonna come, just get on with it!"

"Have patience you prat," he said and worked his three fingers into Arthur's hole, working it wider, bending his fingers to graze against the prostate making Arthur buck his hips.

"Like that, do you?"

"Want you—in me," Arthur demanded.

Merlin pulled his fingers out and gave a quick kiss to the sensitive skin just outside Arthur's opening, before climbing his way back up on top of Arthur's chest.

"As much as I love the thought of your mouth on various parts of my body," Merlin shuddered as Arthur stroked him while he said this. "We are going to need some actual lube for this part. Please tell me you brought some?"

Arthur rolled on his side a bit, trapping half of Merlin under his side, forcing their cocks to brush together once again. They both inhaled sharply as Arthur rummaged around the drawer of the bedside table, finally pulling out lube and a condom.

"Morgana, the perv, was prepared for this," Arthur muttered.

"God bless her creepy, pervy ways," Merlin laughed reaching for the condom and the lube, only to have Arthur hold them above his head.

"Let me." He ripped the foil packaging and unrolled the condom over Merlin's cock. He then lathered up his hands before gripping Merlin, and running his hands up and down his length until it was thoroughly coated, and Merlin was rock hard and fearing that he was on the brink of coming.

Merlin pushed in slowly, slowing down at each catch of Arthur's breath.

"Get on with it, you fucking tease!" Arthur protested, trying to push himself further around Merlin.

"Oh, god _Arthur_," Merlin moaned. "You feel so good. Hot. Tight." He began pushing in and out slow and deep, and then hungry for more, he began pumping faster and harder. He had Arthur in hand and was jerking him off in sync with his own rhythm.

"God, please, don't stop," Arthur begged. "_Merlin_."

All Arthur could think of was Merlin's cock, thick and strong, filling him. And all Merlin could think of was Arthur, hot and tight around him.

Suddenly he felt it coming and he knew he wouldn't last much longer, so he pumped his hands faster around Arthur hoping to make them come at the same time. Arthur went first, come smearing all over his own chest and Merlin's. Merlin, lost at the sight of Arthur undone below him immediately followed.

He fell limp on Arthur's chest. A few moments passed and then Merlin, regretfully, pulled out slowly, Arthur giving a small, short hiss. Merlin tied up the condom and tossed it where he thought the bin might be, and then collapsed once again on Arthur's chest.

"We should clean ourselves up a bit," Arthur murmured into Merlin's hair.

"Oh, give me a minute, you git. Can't barely move after that." Merlin's eyes started to get droopy.

"No, really," Arthur continued. "You'll be too tired to move at all in a minute."

Arthur removed Merlin from his chest, and crawled down the bed, reaching his arm off for the towel he had when he came back from his shower.

Merlin whistled. "On second thought, take your time. I'm quite enjoying the view."

Arthur wiggled his arse a bit, before wiping his chest down, and then clambering back over Merlin to wipe his chest down. Then, he tossed the towel off the bed, and laid back down. He pulled Merlin part way onto his chest again, slotting their legs together.

Arthur let his fingers tangle in the sweaty hair at the base of Merlin's neck, while Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's middle, pressing soft, chaste kisses to Arthur's chest before his eyes slipped closed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: So here it is! The last chapter! I hope you all have enjoyed it, and please let me know what you think :)**

* * *

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

Arthur woke up to Merlin sitting nervously, cross legged beside him. His eyebrows perked up when he saw Arthur had woken.

"Hey," Arthur murmured reaching for Merlin's hand. "What're you doing up there?"

Merlin, reluctantly gave up his hand, and moved his other hand to the back of his neck before he spoke. "It's just…I didn't ask last night, and I know you had more to drink than me, but you weren't, um, drunk last night were you? It wasn't just the wine?"

Arthur pushed himself up with the hand that wasn't holding Merlin's. "Merlin, I promise that it was not just the wine. I did have more to drink than you last night, but I was not drunk. I swear."

Merlin's face gave way to relief. "Okay. Good."

"I hate that you thought that," Arthur frowned.

"It's not that I think that that would be something you would do," Merlin started. "But I guess I just always doubt myself when it comes to your feelings about me. It's a hard habit to break."

Arthur pulled Merlin down, so they were both lying back down. He moved his thigh in between Merlin's and gave him a quick, soft kiss.

"Merls, I've been in love with you for twelve years. I've always liked you best, remember?"

A smile broke out across Merlin's face. He rested his head against Arthur's shoulder, and twirled his fingers in the little flecks of hair across Arthur's chest. "I like you only," he whispered.

They stayed that way for a few minutes. Not talking, just holding and lazily touching each other, giving small soft kisses.

Then Merlin nudged Arthur's chin with his head. "Arthur?" he asked. "Are you going home for Christmas?"

"I'm not sure. Are you?"

"Of course," Merlin said without hesitation. "Wait, why aren't you?"

"Well, my father will be in America from the twentieth to New Years, and Morgana is staying here. She apparently has Christmas plans with her friend Morgause. It would just be me in that big house, alone if I went back."

Merlin propped his chin up on Arthur's chest. "Come stay with me."

Arthur stroked Merlin's hair behind his ear. "Okay," he said. But something was off. He sounded as if he was only saying it to appease Merlin. He would agree now, and give an excuse later. Merlin sat up abruptly.

"You don't want to," he accused.

"I do," Arthur said. In the same voice as before.

"No, you don't. Why don't you want to?"

"I just said okay, Merlin—"

"Yes, you _said _okay, but a week from now you're going to call me or text me with some excuse. You have to stay in London, or you're going back to Paris to be with Morgana. I don't get it. I thought you wanted this. Not just a one-off."

Arthur dragged his hands down his face, frustrated. "Of course I want this Merlin. You know I do. More than anything. That's _why_ I don't think I should come stay with you and your mum for Christmas."

"Arthur, that doesn't make any sense."

"I'm afraid I want this more than you, Merlin. And I don't want to take any big relationship steps until I know that I don't. I can't be in a serious relationship with you only to have you change your mind. It would kill me."

Merlin had crawled away from Arthur as he said this. He began reaching a tentative hand towards Arthur's, but a lack of response from Arthur made him draw it back.

"Why don't you think I want this?" Merlin's eyes were growing watery.

"You said yourself, habits are hard to break. And you've made the choice to be without me before, remember?"

Tears that had only been leaking before, were now pouring down Merlin's face. "We'll never move past that will we?" Merlin's voice cracked. "You know how hard that was for me. I picked Edinburgh because it would have destroyed me to live with you in London being nothing but your mate from home who came with you. Playing house, while you went out and dated an entire new city. Because I'm hopelessly in love with you and didn't think I stood a chance." Merlin stood up and yanked a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt on.

"I don't know what else to do, Arthur. I want you, only. I love you, only. But you're breaking my heart, because every time you look at me I can see you're just thinking that I'm the one who picked school over you. No matter what I say, that's all you see. And being with you without you being all in for this, is harder than just being your friend." Merlin walked out of the bedroom.

* * *

Arthur laying in the same spot that he had been in when Merlin left, still unmoved when Morgana burst through the door fifteen minutes later.

"What the hell did you do?" she demanded.

"Ever heard of knocking Morgana?" he said, pulling the blankets up to make sure he was covered.

"Well after Merlin turned down a plate of fresh waffles and stormed out of here, nearly twenty minutes ago, I've been waiting for you to come out of your hole and explain yourself, but you've stayed hidden away. Now I ask again, what the hell did you do?"

"Merlin's gone?" Arthur blanched.

"Yes. He left for a walk, said he needed to clear his head. He looked angry, and he'd been crying Arthur."

"Shit," Arthur said, reaching over the bed and grabbing tracksuit bottoms and a sweatshirt, pulling them on under the covers. "I need to go find him."

"Arthur, what happened?"

"I fucked up, that's what happened. I got exactly what I wanted and then I fucked it up. Do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

Morgana shook her head. "He doesn't know any place around here. He's stayed in the flat the whole time you've been here."

Arthur pulled his trainers on and ran out the door.

* * *

Two hours later, Arthur walked back into the flat without Merlin. Morgana and Freya were sitting quietly on the couch. Morgana stood up when she saw him.

He shook his head. "I couldn't find him."

"Arthur," Morgana started softly. "Merlin came back here, about a half an hour after you left."

Arthur didn't wait to see if she was done, he ran to the bedroom, but found it empty. No Merlin, none of Merlin's things.

"Morgana, where—"

"Merlin's gone back to Edinburgh. He came back and packed his stuff and said he needed some time to work things out."

"Why didn't you call me?" Arthur yelled.

"Arthur, he didn't want to see you. He asked me not to."

"I'm your brother!"

Freya stood up at this. "And I'm the closest Merlin has to a sister, so I took Morgana's phone so that she wouldn't call you, after Merlin begged us not to." Freya hesitated before starting again. "I don't think you should call him, Arthur. He said he needed time to work things out, so I'm guessing you do too. Take the rest of this weekend. Don't try to contact him before you get back home."

Arthur was on the couch, head in his hands, crying.

"If he hadn't just _left_, we could have worked things out together," he choked out. He looked up at Morgana, eyes red, looking like the little boy she grew up with for the first time in years. "Do you think it'll be like before? I can't go three months without speaking to him, I _can't_."

Morgana sat on the couch beside her brother. She pulled him into an embrace, stroking his hair. "We'll work it out, it'll be okay."

* * *

Merlin didn't want to cut everybody out for the two weeks following the Paris debacle. But it was finals, and he barely had the mental capacity to work out his school work in order to write his final papers and study for his exams. He made time to call his mum every evening, but he mostly stayed holed up in the library, his phone off, books and coffee piled up around him.

When his phone was on, he ignored everyone's calls except his mother's, because she would probably file a missing persons report if he ignored her. He hadn't had free time enough to think about what had happened with Arthur, only enough to get upset every time he was reminded of it, and reminded that he still hadn't come up with a solution.

When his exams were over, he packed up his bags, had a quick goodbye with Gwaine and Gwen and headed towards the train to go home for Christmas.

Once on the train, he realized that he sort of missed finals week. Now he had nothing but what happened with Arthur to think about.

Arthur, who he had loved since he was six years old. Arthur, who said that he liked Merlin best. Arthur, who made him waffles, and watched him buy books for hours, who texted him every funny thought he had.

Arthur, who didn't believe Merlin loved him. Arthur, who couldn't forgive him for moving to Edinburgh. Arthur, who wanted to jump into their relationship, but leave one foot firmly planted on the ground, so that he could run before Merlin. Arthur, who believed Merlin would run.

These thoughts spun around in Merlin's head, over and over the whole train ride, leaving him exhausted, and heartbroken.

* * *

Arthur waited until Christmas afternoon. He'd called Merlin to wish him a Merry Christmas, but had been straight to voicemail—Merlin's phone was off, as it had been the majority of the time ever since Paris. After that, he couldn't wait any longer. He needed to see Merlin.

Hunith answered the door. "Arthur!" she exclaimed, joy showing clearly on her face. "Oh, I've missed you, come in, come in!" She pulled Arthur in, and immediately brought him a plate of Christmas cookies—baked by her, decorated by Merlin.

"Thank you, Hunith. How's your Christmas going?"

"Oh, it's been wonderful. I've missed Merlin while he's been in Edinburgh. And you too, while you've been in London. Even if your father isn't home, you are always welcome here, should you want to come home."

Arthur's throat felt tight. "Thank you," he said sincerely. "Um, where's Merlin?"

"Oh," Hunith said. "He popped over to Freya's to give her her gift. I'm sure he was planning on stopping by your house later today, too."

"Erm, no, actually. He didn't know I was coming home. I had told him I planned to stay in London for Christmas, what with Father being in the States, and Morgana being in France."

Hunith smiled and patted his cheek. "Oh! What a lovely surprise for him then! He'll be so happy to see you, he's been feeling very rotten the past few weeks."

Arthur paled. "I know, um. That's why I came home, actually."

"You're a good friend, Arthur." She sttod up. "I'll go put the kettle on, Merlin should be home any minute."

* * *

Merlin returned from Freya's to find Arthur sitting on his sofa.

"Erm, hello," he said awkwardly.

"Hi," Arthur said, standing up.

They stood in silence for a few moments. Merlin broke it.

"I'm sorry I haven't returned your calls. I was busy with finals, and then I got here and my phone was mostly forgotten. And I didn't really know what to say."

"It's okay," Arthur said automatically.

Merlin raised an eyebrow. "Is it?"

"Well to be honest, it's been driving me bloody insane, but I understand why you did it."

Merlin nodded to the couch, and the two of them sat down. Side by side, but several inches away from each other.

"So have you worked it out then?" Arthur asked Merlin after another prolonged silence.

"Worked what out?"

"Freya and Morgana said you left to work some things out."

Merlin looked away, traitorous eyes already welling up. "We both know that's not why I really left."

"I wish you hadn't left."

"I'm sorry," Merlin wiped at his eyes. "I just can't do this by halves. I've wanted more of you for twelve years, but having it in my sight and then withheld because you don't believe that I really want this, it just hurts too much. I can't do this if you're always preparing for me to run. And I know I didn't really help my case by leaving Paris like I did, but if we do this I swear I'm not going to run. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it."

"I'm in, Merlin. I'm all in." He pulled Merlin's forehead to his, thumb stroking away the tears on his cheeks. "I love you, only. I want you, only," he mirrored Merlin's words. "And I want it starting now."

"Well, some one's a bit demanding," Merlin said and then kissed him.

* * *

Later that night, Merlin was curled against Arthur in his bed. Arthur had forgone going home to get his things, not wanting to waste any more of Christmas being away from Merlin, and was wearing a pair of sweatpants that had always been too big on Merlin.

Before Merlin fell asleep Arthur nudged his ribs. "Hey, I have a Christmas present for you."

"Not fair," Merlin frowned. "I left yours in my flat. I didn't think I'd see you."

Arthur pulled out a small box and a letter, and handed them to Merlin.

"Prat, this isn't even wrapped!"

"Just open it."

Merlin did. Inside the box was a small brass key.

"Read the letter, it explains it."

Merlin held the letter out to Arthur. "I want you to read it to me."

Sighing, Arthur grabbed the letter from him, peeling the envelope open. "Dear Merls," he began. "First of all, Merry Christmas. I know I probably made the days leading up to Christmas unnecessarily stressful, and I'm sorry. You're right. I am a bit of a prat. But unfortunately, I'm a prat who is ridiculously in love with you, so you're kind of stuck with me now. If you'll have me, of course. And I hope you will, otherwise this present is about to become a little awkward for both of us. I don't think that's going to happen though. I know you, and for some insane reason you like me, only." Arthur paused. Merlin gave him a small kiss before nodding at him to go on.

"So. The gift. I'm giving you a key to my new flat. In Edinburgh. Which probably doesn't make a lot of sense, because as far as you know, I go to school in London. But, a while ago I applied as a transfer business student to a couple of places near to you. Turns out you can study business pretty much anywhere, and I'd rather study it in Edinburgh with you." Merlin gaped at him. He kept reading. "In the name of full disclosure, this is actually a key to my current flat in London, because I don't yet have a new flat in Edinburgh. I was kind of hoping you would help me pick one out when I go to rent one. I really want you to like my new flat, because hopefully you will be there a lot and," Arthur started turning beet red but carried on reading. "And as the second part of this Christmas present I fully intend to blow you in each room, so ideally it should be a place that you like. Merry Christmas. I love you best. Arthur."

Arthur had barely gotten out the closing salutation when Merlin pounced on him. "Best. Christmas. Ever," he giggled before kissing Arthur firmly on the mouth.

They decided to spend Boxing Day at the Pendragon house, away from the thin walls of Merlin's house, and the prying ears of a well-meaning Hunith.

Fin.


	15. Epilogue

**Author's Note: Um, so I felt inspired to write an epilogue! I just needed a bit of fluff in my life, so I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

April- 6 years later.

_"Hey Arthur, it's Lance. Look I know when I told you about the start up when it first got going, you said you weren't interested. But Elyan and I are doing really well here in London, and we think you'd be a brilliant addition to the team. I know non-profits aren't as glamorous as anything you're doing right now, but just think about it, yeah? You don't have to decide anytime soon. In fact, if you ever change your mind, no matter how far down the road, you're welcome to join. There'll always be a spot for you. Anyway, give me a ring when you hear this, and tell Merlin I say hello!"_

Merlin stopped dead in his tracks, bundles of groceries nearly toppling out of his hands as he stood staring at the answering machine.

"Nope," he thought. "I was definitely not supposed to hear that."

Merlin had no idea Lance and Elyan had even offered Arthur a position in their new company. Arthur hadn't brought it up once. They had started the business almost as soon as they graduated, nearly two years ago. Two years. Why had Arthur never brought it up?

He brought the bags to the kitchen and started unloading the groceries.

"Well," he thought. "That changes tonight's plan a bit."

Arthur walked into a flat smelling of all his favorite foods. Dropping his keys into the bowl next to the door and kicking off his shoes, he made his way to the living room which had been utterly transformed while he had been at work.

"What-" His question was cut off when two long, skinny arms wrapped around his middle from behind and he felt Merlin press a soft kiss to the nape of his neck.

"Merlin!" He spun around, delighted. "You weren't supposed to be back from Ealdor until tomorrow!" He wrapped his arms around Merlin and pulled him close for a kiss.

Merlin pulled away slightly after a few kisses but kept his fingers carded through Arthur's hair. "I missed you. Ealdor is unbearably boring when you're not there and Mum was practically sick of me the moment I walked in so I decided to come home a day early."

Arthur grinned at Merlin. "That's a lie, your mother could never be sick of you."

"Yeah, alright, I was sick of her fussing. But mostly I missed you." he kissed Arthur again.

"So," Arthur said, forehead leaning against Merlin's. "What's all this about then?"

"Didn't you hear me?" Merlin whispered, playing with the short strands of Arthur's hair. "I missed you. I wanted to do something nice for you."

"Coming home a day early is something nice."

"But that doesn't require much effort. And that was for me too. I wanted to do something just for you," Merlin said in a low voice. "And I want to show you exactly how much I missed you."

"Well," Arthur smiled broadly. "Let's get started, shall we?"

Later when they finally got around to eating all the food Merlin had made for them, they sat sprawled in front of the fire place, picking the last bit of the chocolate cake from the plate.

"Oh my god, Merlin how do you make a cake that tastes as good as sex feels?"

Merlin chuckled, setting his fork down and moving over to put his head in Arthur's lap.

"I'm not sure it's quite that good. Maybe we should have a comparison, just so I can make an educated decision on which one is better."

"Well, if it's for science," Arthur smirked and then leaned down to kiss Merlin.

After one small kiss, Merlin propped himself up. "Hey, before we...experiment... I want to talk to you about something."

Arthur nodded but didn't move away. Merlin continued.

"Are you happy? Here in Edinburgh?"

Arthur sat a bit straighter. "Of course I'm happy, Merlin. Have I ever given you reason to believe I'm not?"

"No, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't check to be sure every once in a while." Arthur laced his fingers with Merlin's, about to interject, but Merlin plowed on. "It's just-you know that if there was something else you wanted to do, you could tell me right? If you wanted something different?"

"Merlin, what is this about? Are you unhappy?"

"No! Of course not! I love you Arthur, I love our life together. But I want to make sure it's the life you want, too. Not just one your content with."

"Merlin, I'm happy, I love you-"

"I know you love me, this isn't about us-"

"Then what is it about?"

Merlin got up and walked over to the answering machine. He clicked play.

_"Hey Arthur, it's Lance. Look I know when I told you about the start up when it first got going, you said you weren't interested. But Elyan and I are doing really well here in London, and we think you'd be a brilliant addition to the team. I know non-profits aren't as glamorous as anything you're doing right now, but just think about it, yeah? You don't have to decide anytime soon. In fact, if you ever change your mind, no matter how far down the road, you're welcome to join. There'll always be a spot for you. Anyway, give me a ring when you hear this, and tell Merlin I say hello!"_

Arthur said nothing, so Merlin broke the silence that followed the message.

"I'm guessing he thought I'd be in Ealdor until tomorrow and wouldn't hear the message, and he didn't want to bother you at work."

"Yeah," Arthur croaked. "Probably."

"Arthur, why didn't you tell me they wanted you as a part of their business?"

Arthur was wringing his hands together, and it took him a moment before he could look back up at Merlin and answer him. "It's in London, Merls. I couldn't ask you to drop your whole life so that I could go play around with my buddies."

"Couldn't ask me to? Arthur, of course you could have asked me! Look at my life here. None of it would have happened if you hadn't dropped your whole life to move here with me while I was in school. I wouldn't have completed the program I wanted or have gotten the job that I did or have been able to move into this gorgeous flat if it wasn't for you. Of course you could have asked me."

Arthur said nothing.

"Arthur, look. I love you. You make my life better, but I shouldn't be the reason you hold back from what you want. You want this don't you?"

Arthur nodded.

"Then take it. Quit your job and join up with Lance and Elyan. Nothing is tying you to Edinburgh."

"You are," Arthur whispered. "You're tying me to Edinburgh."

And then, Merlin understood why Arthur had been so quiet, looked so small throughout everything he had said to him. He thought Merlin was trying to break up with him.

Merlin knelt down in front of Arthur and took his hands in his. He kissed Arthur's palms and then looked him in the eye, making sure Arthur knew exactly what he was saying.

"Where you go, I go. Forever."

"Merlin-"

"No, I'm completely serious. Let's move. Let's find another flat in London and lets pack up our measly belongings and move there. Let's spend a whole weekend in our probably dingy new flat and find the best places for takeaway and spend another day arguing over where everything goes in our new kitchen and let's move there. Let's do this Arthur! You want this, so I'm going to make sure you get to do it."

"You have a job here, Merlin."

Merlin shrugged. "So I'll quit and find a new one in London."

"You'd just up and quit?"

Merlin smacked him on the arm. "Where you go, I go. And you're going to London."

Arthur grabbed him and kissed him. "Let's call Lance and tell him."

Arthur jumped up to grab his mobile off the counter, and dialed Lance's number, setting it between them on speakerphone.

When Lance answered, both he and Gwen shouted greetings into the phone.

"Lance, hi, I've some brilliant news."

"Alright mate," Lance said. "What is it?"

"Well, I've just talked to Merlin, and if you still have a place for me, I'd love to be a part of the team there. We're moving to London."

"And we're getting married!" Merlin shouted.

"What?" Arthur started, eyes wide staring at Merlin.

"Oh, right, didn't get around to asking about that bit," Merlin's ears burned bright red. "We'll just have to call you back..."

"Don't you dare hang up that phone," Gwen commanded.

Arthur still hadn't moved, or said anything. His eyes were wide and confused. "Merlin?"

"Right, well, that's actually the reason I came home early." His flush worked it's way from his ears across his cheeks, spattering his face with red blotches. "I was going mad whole time I was in Ealdor and I thought 'If I can't be without him for two days while I'm visiting my mum, then how the hell will I survive if this ends?' But then I realized, that I had never once imagined we would break up, and I had no interest in entertaining the idea any further. So I bought a train ticket home for a day earlier and planned this," he motioned to the decorated flat and the empty plates of food. "And as I walked in with to get it ready, Lance called and left the message, so the plan kind of changed. I meant to work the proposal into it, you know somehow segueing from the 'where you go, I go,' stuff into the 'hey, want to make this official and argue with me about what film to watch until we both drop dead?' but I guess I sort of...forgot." Sheepishly, Merlin pulled a ring from his pocket.

Arthur barked out a laugh, which sent Merlin scrambling away from him. He grabbed Merlin's wrist and pulled him back for a kiss. "Of all the people in the world, I'm marrying the idiot who _forgot_ to propose."

Hearing Gwen squeal on the other end, Merlin leaned over to click the "End Call" button, and turned back to Arthur.

"That's a yes then?"

"Well," Arthur dragged the word out. "You didn't actually ask the question."

Sighing, Merlin held the ring up in front of him. "Arthur Pendragon, I'm in love with you. I'd like to wake up to your gross snoring every day for the rest of my life-"

"I do not snore!"

"Will you marry me?"

Arthur leaned over Merlin, caging him in between his arms. "Worst proposal ever," Arthur chuckled, leaning down for a kiss. "But yes."


End file.
